


Chloe's Revelation

by yearning



Series: No means no [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Luciferness, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scars, Slow Build, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-20 16:20:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9499865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yearning/pseuds/yearning
Summary: A case leaves Chloe distraught and emotionally unstable. Lucifer witnesses her unhealthy coping mechanisms and tries to help. She eventually opens up to him, but he needs Linda’s help to understand what he’s dealing with and how he can help the Detective.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone,  
> this is my very first story and it turned out to be very long so I decided to make a series out of it. This is the first part and it's finished - BUT it is not beta'ed and I'm not a native English speaker so I would appreciate help/comments on what's wrong or what I could do better.
> 
> Please visit my profile for a detailed description if you are interested in helping me (or even stay around as a beta :-) ).
> 
> About the story: I'm not sure if all the tags fit, however I tried my best. It's not rated because I wasn't sure about it, either, although I would say it's Teen and Up. Maybe someone can give me feedback once it's complete? I didn't write details on what happenned, this is rather the introduction to the topic and the psychological side of aftermath - e.g. I will have Linda explain some basic mental health issues that can occur. Any descriptive writing on rape/non-con, self-harming, etc. will be posted seperately (not part of this story anyway) and will be tagged accordingly.
> 
> I hope you enjoy, and please please please leave feedback! :)

“Sleaze balls like you really make me rethink my choice of staying here on Earth. Oh, there are special places in Hell reserved just for filth like you,” Lucifer hissed while he was slowly walking around the table in the interrogation room, boring his eyes into the man’s sitting right in front of him and Chloe. The man, crouching in the uncomfortable chair and trying to avoid Lucifer’s gaze, burst out into tears and whispered, more to Chloe than to Lucifer, “I… I didn’t mean to hurt her. I loved her… I loved her dearly…”

“ENOGUH!!!” Lucifer growled and the man flinched and tried to move further away. He was in his 40’s but looked a lot older with his pale skin, deep dark circles around his eyes and sunken cheeks. His hands were shaking and his balding head was covered in beads of sweat. Even his clothes started to have sweat stains, mostly under his armpits. He couldn’t contain himself anymore and let the tears spill. He dropped his head in his hands and cried, “Please… please, you need to understand! She was everything for me. I had to show her my love somehow…”

Lucifer bolted forward and grabbed the man on his throat. He pushed the man deep in the chair and made sure only the scum could see his face.

“Showing her your love?” he spat disbelievingly. His voice was a mere whisper but it was none the less threatening. “Ooooh, I’ll show you my love of punishment that is reserved just for your lot” – and then his eyes glowed red and his face changed into his devilish mask. The man started to scream; it was a nerve-racking sound, and he started to fight against Lucifer’s grip. He tried to kick the tall man standing over him, but Lucifer just grinned evilly at him. “This is only a glimpse of what is planned for you for all eternity. You will suffer dearly for what you did to your niece. I will make sure of that. Just like you made her suffer for the rest of her life.”

The man’s breath hitched and then he collapsed right into Lucifer’s arms. He threw the unconscious body in disgust into the corner of the interrogation room. Right before the door burst open he regained his normal looks.

“Lucifer, enough. We are taking care of the rest,” two officers told him while they approached the suspect. They handcuffed him and carried him roughly out of the room into a holding cell, letting his feet scratch over the floor. No one cared whether he got hurt on the way.

Lucifer turned around and saw that Chloe was still sitting in the chair at the table where they both got seated about half an hour ago to interrogate their suspect. She was chewing on her bottom lip but remained silent. In fact, Lucifer was surprised that she let him have his moment with the man, and although these kind of cases were harsh on the humans around him he would have suspected her to stop him somewhere during his slightly palpable conversation with the future Hell denizen. He frowned, made his way towards her and seated himself on the table right in front of her. She was looking through him, as if she wasn’t even aware of her partner being right in her field of vision. He cleared his throat.

“Detective?” Nothing. He waved his hand in her face.

“Hello… Chloe?” She twitched lightly and focused her gaze on her partner.

“Uhm, what? Oh… yes… right. Sorry, it was just a long day. I suppose we are done here. Or you, at least. Why don’t you go home and let me finish the paperwork. I will see you tomorrow morning. Good night.” She got up quickly and rushed out of the interrogation room without waiting for his response.

Her reaction took him by surprise and he looked after her, baffled. Then, he followed her to her desk but she was nowhere to be seen. He settled in one of the chairs and waited for her.

“Gosh… why are you still here? I told you to go home.” She sounded exhausted, but even more annoyed. She dropped into her chair, not looking at him and pulled the case file off the stack next to her computer. While she was reading through the file again and again, making notes on her notepad, he remained silent and looked her over. “Jesus Christ, stop staring at me. Just….. GO!” she growled in a guttural fashion after a couple of minutes without looking up from her notes.

Lucifer was taken aback by her distant and dismissive reaction towards him. He let even slip her outcry for Jesus; instead he squinted his eyes and swallowed hard. She seemed in need to be alone. Or at least to be away from him. Had she seen his face when they were interrogating the perp? His heart began to race and his mouth was suddenly dust-dry.

“Are you alright, Detective?” he asked carefully.

“Well - what do you think?” she sighed.

So she had seen him. She just didn’t seem to have fully digested what she discovered. He shifted in his chair. He knew that the time when she discovered his true self would come eventually and that it was quite possibly the last time he would see her. But he hadn’t expected it to be now. After the disaster with Linda he had pulled himself together and even stopped mentioning being the devil for most of the time. He couldn’t go through this kind of rejection again. Not now. Probably not ever. Not from Chloe. He felt a lump built in his throat and he had a feeling of suffocation. He swallowed hard again and tried to clear his throat.

Right when he was about to say something she continued, “Of course I am not alright. How can you ask such a thing? Does this not bother you? I am trained to not personally get involved into our cases, and I would say I can switch off rather well. But this case here? How can you just sit here and not be affected in the slightest by what this scumbag has done? This could have been Trixie!”

Realizing that she was wound up in the case, Lucifer looked quite relieved. “Oh Detective… I thought your sudden change of mood had something to do with me…”

“With you? What is wrong with you, Lucifer? Not everything is about you! The world does not revolve around you! Others have issues too, you know.” She pushed her chair back and stomped off, yelling at him, “I don’t want to see you here anymore when I’m back!”

He looked confused after her, not knowing what to do next. She obviously tried to push him away, but hadn’t Linda told him that sometimes people shut themselves off at the time they needed help the most? He wasn’t sure whether it would help if he stayed and waited for her or if it was better to give her the apparently much needed space. He settled for something in between. He would make himself scarce – at least for her eyes that was – but in no way he would just go back to Lux and have some drinks before going to sleep when she seems to be troubled by something. He wandered around the precinct and noticed that all the other police officers who were also still working on their case of paedophilia looked almost as troubled as the Detective.

He didn’t know where she went and he definitely didn’t want to further fuel her aggravation so he opted to hide in the corner next to the staircase. It didn’t take long for Chloe to come back, a steaming hot cup of coffee in one hand and a damp paper towel in the other. When she settled in the chair at her desk he could see that she was even paler than before, but her eyes looked red as if she had been crying. She also had small blood stains on her lips as if she had been biting them so hard that she tore off the sensitive skin. She wrapped the paper towel around her neck, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Then she looked at her computer screen and started hacking furiously on her keyboard. Her jaws were clenched together and she had deep frowns on her forehead. Every now and then she stopped typing and fiddled on strands of hair that she had pulled out of her ponytail. She was zoning out from time to time, Lucifer could tell when she stared into space for long moments before pulling herself together and typing on her keyboard even more furiously.

 

After almost three hours she shut her computer down and leaned back in her chair for a moment. Then all of a sudden she shot up, grabbed her jacket and bag and left the station running like a bat out of hell. Lucifer, who didn’t expect her to bolt out of the building like that, had to hurry in order to follow her. She didn’t walk to the parking lot. Instead, she walked down the road to the nearby pub that was frequently visited by other police officers. He knew she didn’t like the place that much; it was worse when Palmetto was still dangling over her like the sword of Damocles, but still he would have never expected her to go to that pub while she could have all sorts of exquisite cocktails and high class spirits in his club – complimentary, of course. Then again, he mused, maybe she just needed some other cops to talk to after today’s case? The devil wasn’t the best option to go to if someone needed to be comforted or to talk about emotions after all…

And yet there was this strange feeling in his chest again. And he also felt his heart beat in an abnormal rhythm when he thought about his Detective sitting at the bar, downing shots with her colleagues who didn’t even appreciate her as he did while she made it clear that she didn’t want to see him tonight anymore. She had been talking only about tonight, hadn’t she? He felt his stomach churn when he thought about the possibility that Chloe hadn’t just meant tonight. He felt nauseous. He really needed to talk to Linda about this. Or maybe he needed a cardiologist or an internal specialist rather than a shrink? He took a few deep breaths and steadied himself, then walked closer to the bar and peeked through the window. There she was; and as soon as he saw her he felt the smile on his face that he could not get rid of. His detective – when did he start calling her _his_? – was sitting all on her own in a corner booth, surrounded by beer bottles and emptied shot glasses. Had she been drinking all this in the short time she was there? She gestured the barkeeper to bring her another beer which he brought her immediately. Lucifer didn’t know whether he should be worried or impressed by her drinking skills, but even before the barkeeper was back at the counter she had already sculled her bottle.

He decided to wait outside for her because in no way he would let her go home all on her own after the amount of alcohol she had already downed. He assumed she wouldn’t stop drinking now. And he was right. He waited outside the pub, pacing between a spot on the pavement where he settled himself and the window where he peeked through every now and then. More beer bottles and more shot glasses were scattered around the table which Chloe occupied all by herself.

After about three hours, it was well past midnight, someone staggered out of the pub. He looked up and saw Chloe almost stumble upon her own feet. He shot up and tried to help her, but she pushed him away, mumbling something that sounded like, “Oooopsssorry. I’m alright…. Don’t need help…”

“Oh, Detective, it’s okay. It’s a pleasure to be of help,” he chuckled. Her punch in his guts was unexpected and he drew out a sharp hiss. “Ouch, what the hell?”

“I said I do NOT need help!” she snapped. Then, her eyes widened when she realised who she just punched. “Lucifer??? What are you doing here?”

“Why looking out after you, of course, Detective! You look like you need it! Do tell, are you so inebriated that you did not even recognise me straight away? That hurts!!” he scoffed.

Linda was probably right. He did make a lot of jokes when he was uncomfortable or didn’t know how to otherwise express himself. Unfortunately, Chloe wasn’t one to appreciate this particular character trait of him. Yet, this time he was quick enough to stop her hand from punching him again. He held her arm tightly in his own while eying her with raised eyebrows. She pulled her arm back and turned around, walking in the opposite direction.

“I said NO! No means freaking NO!!! Would you get this in the pig head of yours already???” She gasped for air and continued, “Why is it that everybody thinks they can ignore what I say? What I need? What I tell them to do? And what I tell them NOT TO DO????” She was screaming on the top of her lungs now. Lucifer had the nagging feeling that her tantrum was about more than the case from earlier and him staying in the precinct despite her telling him to go home. He didn’t know how to address his concern, though. Why must she be the one person on this plane to be immune to his powers? It would be so easy to find out what was bothering her if he could just pull out her deep dark secrets like everyone else’s.

“Detective – I would never hurt you. And I would never do anything that you don’t want, either. I am just trying to look after you.” She stopped and stiffened, then turned around slowly. If looks could kill Lucifer would certainly be back on his way to Hell.

“Riiiiight,” she snarled, “and that’s why you are still here although I told you to go home? Although I said I don’t need help? You repeatingly overstep my boundaries, you don’t stop your sexual innuendos despite me telling you to do so – and let me get that clear again – you are NEVER EVER getting into my pants! You don’t care about the needs of the people around you, you are immature and your lack of emotions is disturbing. So, yes, you have done things that I didn’t want and your actions also hurt.”

Letting her rant wash over him, Lucifer stood there, dumbfounded. He was a monster. He didn’t even notice when he hurt people he actually cared for. He wanted to comfort her, hug her close and tell her how sorry he was. But when he reached out she flicked his arm away. “Don’t touch me!” she bit out through clenched teeth. She shivered and her breath was unsteady. Did he just see a tear spill out of her eye? He straightened, took a step back and held his hands up.

“Okay… okay… I’m not going to touch you. I meant to tell you how deeply sorry I am for everything I have done to you. I know I’m awful at reading emotions and even more so at expressing them. I only learnt recently that people tend to withdraw themselves when they are in emotional distress. And yes, I have been there, as you may recall. You are shivering, Detective. Let me at least put my jacket around you.” He looked in her eyes and waited for her response. He expected her to continue her tantrum but her actions took him by surprise – as so often. She plunged into him and flung her arms around his torso. He didn’t know what to do and was even more at loss when he felt his button-down shirt becoming wet with her tears. She sobbed in his shirt and clung onto him like her life depended on him. She was quite shaky. He steadied her and drew his arms around her, embracing her closeness. It took a while until she calmed down but Lucifer didn’t care. He didn’t understand this rollercoaster of emotions but for now, he was content with the solace he could give her.

She finally snuffled and pulled away from him. “I’m sorry,” she said. She kept her eyes on the ground, not daring to look at him. Her tantrum was just too embarrassing. What had gotten into her? Why did he still try to make her feel better even though she accused him of things that weren’t true? She knew he cared and she also knew that she would miss his constant commentaries if he stopped. She wasn’t afraid of him – never had been, in fact. And he had proven that he would put his own needs on hold for the sake of her. Why was she trying to push him away? Why was she trying to make him feel miserable when all he did was looking after her? She was lost in her thoughts until she felt Lucifer’s index finger under her chin. He pushed her face up so that she had to look at him. There was no sign of anger in his gaze; neither of contempt. She could see his confusion, but also something else. The same look that she gave Trixie when she had been crying but was reluctant to reveal what was bothering her. The look that said “ _It’s okay, you don’t need to tell me. I’ll be here for you anyway_ ”. And then she saw a soft smile on his face.

“Nothing to be sorry about, Detective. Now let me give you my jacket, please? You are still shivering.” She indeed felt the chilly air creep through her clothes and was grateful when he threw his jacket over her shoulders. It was warm and smelled of him, which calmed her in an instant. As a matter of fact, she was suddenly overwhelmed by the effect of all the alcohol she had been drinking. She felt dizzy and her head seemed to spin around. Exhaustion befell her and eventually she didn’t have the strength to stand anymore. She lowered herself on the ground and leaned into Lucifer’s long legs. He chuckled. “Seems like all the booze you had has finally been digested by your system.”

“Hmmmm… looks like it,” she slurred. Looking up to him, she added with almost a whisper, “Can I trust you?”

“With everything, love.” He felt his heart sting a little at her question for as he thought she would already know that. But maybe she just needed some reassurance from time to time? She had been betrayed by the people closest to her before, and just because he insisted that his word was his bond didn’t mean she would abandon her fears that stemmed from those previous incidences from one day to the next.

“Could you bring me home, then?” she asked.

"Why, of course, I will do," he nodded with a smile and helped her to get back on her feet. She allowed herself to rest against his side, knowing he would bring her home safely.

………

 

 

When he arrived at the station the next morning Chloe’s desk was unoccupied. The dear Detective must have slept in, he thought. Probably for the best, she must suffer from a cruel hangover. The weak painkillers he had found in her bathroom and laid on her bedside table next to a huge glass of water after tucking her into bed would not be of much help. He should call in a favour from a doctor to stack up her medicine cabinet with some decent stuff that could actually alleviate pain.

“Oh hey tall guy, whatcha doin’ here?” he heard Ella’s cheerful voice behind him.

“Fulfilling my duty as civilian consultant, of course! But it seems I am a bit early today and you all had a quiet morning,” he answered her.

She frowned and cocked her head. “Uuhm… actually, we have been quite busy. Chloe and a few others are in the field already. Didn’t you get the memo?”

He checked his phone but there were no new messages, nor any missed phone calls. “Do you know where they were sent?” he asked her. She shook her head. “Nope, sorry dude. I’m on a different case right now. Olivia is in her office, though. She can tell you for sure! I gotta go. Evidence is piling up in my lab and I wasn’t planning on staying here until the pigs start to fly, so I better get goin’. See ya!” She hurried back into her lab, tucking her headphones into her ears before putting on new forensic gloves.

Lucifer sighed and wondered why no one had told him about the early case. They all knew that he was a night owl who owned a high-end night club that usually didn’t close its doors before dawn and generally didn't need a lot of sleep.

He opened the door to Olivia’s office – without knocking, of course – and was greeted with a surprised look on her face. “Lucifer, I thought you were busy and couldn’t come in for the next couple of days?”

“I am?” he asked equally surprised. “I am a quite frequented man, my dear, but I always have time for a bit of law enforcement. I don’t recall asking for a few days off, anyway?” He smiled at her, and he saw her expression change from surprise to longing. She let her tongue glide over her lips and sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth.

“True,” she whispered huskily. “Chloe told me. She has already…“ Lucifer held up a hand to interrupt her.

“Sh-she told you I would not be available?” he spluttered disbelievingly.

“Yep,” she said. “But you look quite available to me. I put her on duty with Dan for today, but you are welcome to help me out with whatever you think would be appropriate.” She wiggled her eyebrows playfully. That was an offer he would never turn down under normal circumstances but hearing that Chloe had intentionally made sure that he would not be called in for cases he could help with left him quite distraught.

“I’m good, thanks,” he waved aside and marched out of the office, leaving behind a disappointed Lieutenant.


	2. Chapter 2

Chloe didn’t pick up any of his almost two dozen calls and the thirty text messages which ranged from a teasing “ _scared we did the naughty again love? :-)_ ” over a worried “ _did I do anything wrong, Detective? I promise you I only made sure you got home safely. Please talk to me_ ” to an exasperated and raging “ _Bloody Hell, woman! Stop evading me!!! This is not how I am to be treated!”_ also remained unanswered.

He tried to get a hold of Maze but she seemed to have vanished from the face of the earth as well. His last hope was Linda. He didn’t have an appointment for another three days and the way she had scolded him the last time he went to see her unannounced (interrupting one of her sessions, of course) had him think twice before he finally decided his emotional distress – or the Detective’s? – was important enough to risk his shrink’s bout of temper.

 

Against all expectations, Linda didn’t have a patient when he arrived. Instead, he came across two females, both lounging on the couch, nibbling on strawberry sprinkled donuts and laughing about something apparently quite funny.

“Mazikeen,” he greeted his demon harshly. “What brings you here? And what makes you assume you could ignore my phone calls all morning?”

The smile on the demon’s face faded and she answered equally harshly, “I don’t work for you anymore. So no deeds for you to assign to me.”

Lucifer felt his rage boil and the room seemed suddenly darker, as if the shadows crawled upon them. His eyes flashed red when he pulled her up, his hand tightly gripped around her wrist. “You may not work for me as my bartender anymore. But you were created for my protection and I will not allow any more of your disobedience. I am your master, whether be it in Hell or on any other plane we reside on. Have I made myself clear?”

She swallowed, then nodded her head reluctantly. She pulled out of his grip, turned to Linda and said, “It was nice chatting with you. We’ll see each other later. Someone seems to be needing you more than me.” She walked to the door and smiled demonically at her creator. “You know, I like when this side of yours comes back up. All the temper we indulged in for millennia. I miss it.” And before he could push her out of the room she was gone, closing the door behind her.

“Lucifer, we do need to talk about your manners. This is unacceptable,” Linda said strictly. “You don’t have an appointment and you can’t talk to people like that. Especially not my friends!”

He waved her off. “She is not _people_ , Doctor. She is a demon. She can handle it. And it occurs she needs to remember her status from time to time.”

His therapist frowned at his explanation. “You sound quite mediaeval when you talk like that.”

He scoffed, “Well I’m not discussing the politics of Hell with you, darling. Just be reminded that things tend to be a bit more complicated with celestial beings and immortal demons. I cannot have my own creations disobey me.”

“You… you created her? Like in God created Adam and Eve sort of thing?” she eyed him disbelievingly.

“Why yes, of course. Well, I do like to clarify that forging supernatural creatures down in Hell is slightly different to my Father’s little experiments called humankind,” he smiled and settled himself in the chair that is usually occupied by his therapist. Linda was still nestled on the couch and didn’t appear to be getting up any time soon. She still hadn’t fully understood what it meant being the devil, he mused. Maybe for the better…

“So, what brings me here today is… uhm… Have you ever had the feeling that you did nothing wrong but then apparently everything you did was wrong and then you get avoided, and even left behind and someone tells somebody else that you would not be able to come back for some time to make sure to get rid of you?” he babbled.

Linda, who was still reclined on the couch, wasn’t sure she knew what he was trying to say. “Is this about you being cast out of Heaven and sent down to Hell?” she asked warily.

Lucifer looked at her surprised. “Ah, no, not at all. It’s about something that happened this morning, or last night or, well I don’t know what actually happened but it must have been something I have done recently.”

Linda, now all in her professional mode, got up and gestured him to sit on the couch. “OK, then tell me what happened.”

 

He recounted the events of the previous night and this morning. “So, tell me what exactly did I do so wrong to be cast out again?” he finished frustrated.

“I wouldn’t go so far and call it _cast out_. Are you sure you are not just overreacting because you fear she might abandon you like your family?”

He shook his head vehemently. “No, Doctor. I am not overreacting. And she is not like them! She is…”

Well, what was she? “She is so much better than them,” he finished.

Linda sighed. “Tell me about that case you had yesterday.”

“Social services called us to meet at the primary school. The school nurse had contacted them because she was concerned about one of the pupils in second grade. The girl became skittish and withdrawn some months back and in her last PE class she resorted to violence against her teacher. She bit him so hard his hand had to be sutured. He didn’t put her in detention, though he demanded she would talk to the school nurse. Turns out someone in her family _loved_ her more than they should,” he said bitterly. Linda waited for him to continue. “When we arrived we didn’t know exactly what had happened and who had done it to the girl. You know I am not good with children but it seems I have a knack for those who suffer.” He sighed. “Anyway…. She told me what happened. Her uncle will be paying for it for all eternity. That I ascertain.” Linda could briefly see his eyes flicker crimson and waited for more to come but he remained silent.

“Are you going to elaborate on what the girl told you?” she asked after a few minutes in silence.

“Wherefore?” he wondered.

“It must have been quite upsetting, at least for Chloe and all other mortals working this case. I would like to comprehend the severity of it,” she explained.

He observed her wide-eyed. “You think this case only puts a strain on your kind? Believe me, Doctor, I am as disgusted as you are. A lot more even, I daresay. The good thing about being emotionally restrained is – was, as I still find those emotions are way too present for my liking – I never needed to bother about the impact on the victims and their families. These kind of assaults have existed almost as long as humanity and I can assure you I have seen atrocities you would not ever be able to conceive. My staff and I have become quite inventive in properly punishing the deserving for aeons.”

Linda gaped at him intently. Again she discovered that the man-child sitting on her couch was nothing like he made the world to believe – or rather, what everyone was fooled into believing by his Father's devoted followers. She realized she would never be able to fathom what he must have endured in his lifetime, whether it be in the Silver City before his Fall or in Hell after.

“Hearing the screams and begging of Earth’s lowest creatures in the darkest pits of Hell is satisfaction. But it will never be adequate to what their victims endure. You would think many of them suffer during their lifetime but will be granted facilities after their death in Heaven, but no – only few end up there. I had to deal with so many lost and broken souls in Hell because they decided to end their lives earlier than Dad had scheduled, or went down the wrong path – or what dear ol’ Dad purports to be _the wrong path_. And since this bloody bastard is too bloody judgmental those poor souls end up at my gates because he claims them to be sinners.”

He didn’t realize how much he was telling his therapist until he finished. It surprised him how much he had just gotten off his chest. Having to tell some disturbed eight-year-old time and again why they were damned in the unpleasant surroundings of Hell for all eternity because daddy and his buddies took turns on them raping them and filming it which had become too much to handle any more so they ended their own precious little lives was one of the last straws that made him abandon the Kingdom he was forced to rule for good. He seemed to be more rancorous about those inequities than he would ever have intended.

“Lucifer, I understand you chose to seal yourself off from any emotions to protect your own sanity. After everything that you have just revealed I am surprised how fast you are making progress with getting in touch with your inner self. Those almost six years on earth must feel like the blink of an eye to you, regarding how long you have existed,” she had to oppress her wish to ask him how old he actually was, and how Earth was actually created and if the timeline in the Bible was anything near accurate – after all, he had mentioned the Big Bang in a previous session – her curiosity would have to wait for a more appropriate time, “but you need to bear in mind that the people around you can’t understand your lack of emotion. I would suggest you talk to Chloe. From what you told me I assume she might misinterpret your behaviour as being cold-hearted.” Before he could object she added, “I know you are anything like that!”

………

 

 

He drove aimlessly around town after his session with Linda. It hadn’t helped him much. He felt worse than before when he was honest to himself. He never intended to reveal the burden that was tied to being the Devil, especially not with a mortal, and yet he hadn’t been able to stop himself from his rant before it was too late.  The last couple of minutes of their session had been their typical disagreement about his revelation to Chloe before he had enough and burst off, not without indignantly cutting Linda short, “Not happening!”

He tried to keep himself busy that day. It never occurred to him that he actually had to think about what to do with his free time. There had always been enough Britney’s or others – male and female – to indulge with, but just the thought of having a meaningless shag felt quite unappealing to him at the moment.

When he arrived back at Lux two of his staff were already occupied with restocking the bar for the night. He helped them with the tremendous amount of high-quality alcohol, leaving the two men astonished at how much he could carry in one trip. Their boss clearly was fit but he didn’t look like Hulk! He felt their gawks on him and had to chuckle to himself. Oh, if they only knew what he was actually capable of doing with his strength. Those few pallets he hauled were nothing to him. How awful it must be not even being able to carry all shopping bags from the car to the kitchen in one go, he mused. He should help Chloe out more often when she went grocery shopping…

There he was again, thinking about the Detective. She who did not want to see him for – for how long actually? He decided the end of her shift should be enough time and then he would go see her and talk to her. With this decision made he already felt a little calmer and retired to his penthouse, settling on the piano to further ease his mind by jingling some of his favourite melodies.

………

 

 

Finally, at half past eight he left his penthouse to drive over to Chloe’s and Maze’s place. He hoped his demon would still be out on her bounty hunting job and it would be late enough for Trixie to be in bed. When he opened the door quietly he noticed immediately that Chloe wasn’t around, though. His demon, however, was cuddled up with the spawn on the couch and watched TV. Both were giggling over the cheesy dialogues in an 80’s sci-fi-movie starring Penelope Decker. “Lucifer!!!” Trixie squealed when she noticed him. She wriggled out of the blanket she was wrapped in and threw herself around his waist. He just stood there as stiff as a poker, his hands raised and looking helplessly at his demon. Maze only smirked and watched.

“She’s not here,” she finally said.

“Yes, I can see that. Do you know where she is? And why are you still up, spawn?” he said, eyes raised at the small child that was still clung to his legs. Trixie smiled broadly at him.

“Mommy called and said she would be running late and I convinced her that Maze would be a super babysitter so she didn’t need to call one. Aaaaand it is soooo cool – we are having a girl’s pyjama party!” She lowered her voice that only Lucifer could hear her. “I don’t think she knows what bed time is…”

“Well I have come across the concept since I live with your uptight mother but I don’t care,” the demon snickered, her supernatural hearing giving her the ability to hear what Trixie just said to the Devil. “And since I have been on and off baby-sitting duty for the last couple of days I decided it wouldn’t hurt to let the little one enjoy life a bit more than she usually is allowed. Hey did you know humans have created Hell on Earth?” Lucifer looked at her confused. “Schools – especially elementary schools. And they are everywhere! It’s like every suburb has their own hell hole,” she said astonished. He chuckled. Ah, how he liked his demon in distress and he knew exactly what she meant. “What made you linger around a school? Are you missing Hell so much you try to torture yourself?”

“As I said, I was taking care of the child. Chloe wasn’t really in any shape to get her daughter safely – and on time – to that accursed place this morning,” she looked intently at her master. He knew what she was trying to tell him without raising any concern in front of the child. Trixie looked at the adults curiously. “Hey Trix, I think you still need to pack your bag for school tomorrow. Can you do that now for me, please?” Maze asked the child who nodded obediently. She waited until the girl was in her room.

“I don’t know what’s going on, Lucifer. But Chloe didn’t seem to be alright. She overslept and told me to call the school that Trixie was sick because she wouldn’t be able to drive her. It’s not that I like some rule-breaking, but that was so unlike her. So I took care of the child. Then she called me in the afternoon and asked if I could also pick Trixie up from school, she would be home a little while later. Then she calls Trixie and tells her she wouldn’t make it home on time for her bed time and she would call a baby-sitter. Something is not right, and you know it, don’t you? That’s why you were so upset this morning when you arrived at Linda’s office.”

Lucifer was taken aback by his demon’s empathy – it’s something he hadn’t ever imagined her to be capable of. Seems like Earth really was changing the both of them. He swallowed, and even though he didn’t like the thought of showing vulnerability in front of his subordinate, he answered her truthfully. “I don’t know exactly what’s going on, Maze. I think it’s the case we worked yesterday and the way I handled it. Apparently I occur too unemotional to those humans. Oh if they only knew...”

His demon looked quizzically at him so he explained the case further to her, “You know – the kind we created some extra space for in the deepest pits of Hell…” Maze nodded. “Hmm, yeah, she was quite jumpy this morning and kept mumbling something like “ _no means no_ ”. I guess it’s the hardest stuff – family and a child?” Lucifer affirmed. “Well, I will be taking care of Trixie tonight and if needed I will get her to school in the morning. But I can’t do that all the time, I have a proper job now. And unfortunately those on the run don’t care about school hours and bed times for small children. You either fix the Detective or you have to help me out with the little one.”

Lucifer sighed. “She also has a father, you know. Call him before you ever think about calling me. I’ll be going to the station now, maybe I can talk some sense into the dear Detective. Don’t show the spawn any inappropriate movies, I don’t want to be blamed for nightmares,” he warned his demon before he left the house, hoping his demon would know what _inappropriate_ meant to Chloe since he wasn’t entirely sure of it himself.

………

 

 

The precinct was almost deserted. Only a few officers on night shift were there but Lucifer didn’t know any of them by name. He had expected to see at least one familiar face but apparently there was no case that would have his usual colleagues run late. He frowned. Where could Chloe be? He had seen her car in the station’s parking lot when he arrived so he doubted she had gone home. Then again he remembered that the Detective was too intoxicated to drive home last night and that he was the one who gave her a lift. He wondered how she got to the station this morning. Still, she would have driven home today…

When he left the building he thought of all the places the Detective could be. He was sure she wouldn’t be at his club but she wasn’t the kind of person to spend a lot of leisure time with her colleagues, either. Maze was at home and Linda would have mentioned if they had planned a girl’s night out. He decided to pop in that shabby pub the cops liked so much. Maybe Dan or someone else was there to draw out some information from.

He was caught by surprise when he saw the Detective sitting in the exact same spot as yesterday when he entered the pub. Tonight, however, she was surrounded by colleagues and all seemed to have had a fair share of booze already. He had never seen her like that before. She was inebriated by the looks of it, but she also was quite uninhibited. Her blouse was unbuttoned and revealed a silky singlet, her hair tousled and the two guys she was sitting in between both had their hands all over her back and thighs. She clicked glasses with them, downing two shots – one for the guy on the right, and one for the guy on the left, and kissed both their cheeks. Then she yelled for the barkeeper to bring another round of shots for their table.

Her behaviour totally dumbstruck him. He squeezed through the crowd, elbowing his way to the Detective. She didn’t notice his presence until one of the guys slurred, “L-l-l-lllluuuuuucifer!!! You are not a cop!”

“No, really? You don’t appear like one either, pal,” he snarled. “I didn’t know this place was exclusive. Mind you, it’s not the kind of place I would voluntarily spend my precious time with but since my dear partner seems to have a good time with you I think it won’t hurt if I join.” He smiled sardonically at the man before he screwed himself in between Chloe and one of the way too touchy guys next to her. “Sorry chap, hands off!” he snarled at him. When he looked at his partner he instantly knew that Chloe didn’t appreciate his protectiveness.

“What are you doing here? You should be busy,” she said to him sternly. Lucifer returned her look stony-faced. “As I seem to be the only person not being aware of having to be busy why don’t you specify what I should be doing? For what I understand is that you should not be here either given that your spawn is currently being baby-sat by my demon and only Father knows what she is up to with the little girl. I suggest you return home and make sure your efforts of upbringing have not yet been totally destroyed by your flat mate.”

He could feel Chloe’s rage. “She is my friend, Trixie likes her and the way things are going she is the only one I can count on.” Her words made his intestines churn.

“You can always count on me, too, you know,” he said quietly. “Doesn’t look like it. You are here and I didn’t ask you to come here. Soooo… one to nothing for Maze, or, if I recount last night two to nothing for her.” She turned her head away from him and raised her shot glass in a toast to her colleagues, ignoring her civilian partner.

“I’d say you should leave, mate,” he heard Dan’s voice behind him. He looked surprised at the Douche and had to tame his temper when he felt the man’s arm squeeze his shoulder. Dan stared at him and then Lucifer saw something in his eyes. Sadness, if he wasn’t mistaken.

“Yes, you two should go somewhere else and leave me have some fun,” he heard Chloe say and felt her jostling him towards her ex-husband. Their odd behaviour dumbfounded him. He didn’t even argue, he just followed the Douche outside, not looking back at Chloe.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asked once they were outside. “What is she doing there? We must protect her from herself!”

Dan sighed. “Yes, I know it looks bad. But trust me, they all are cops, she is safe in there. That doesn’t mean I approve of her behaviour but I’ve been there before. Cases like the one you two had yesterday are hard on her and she usually needs a few days to unwind. She’ll be back to her usual self eventually.”

“That – I don’t know what to say, Daniel. How can you accept such an unhealthy way of dealing with emotions?” He would never confess he ever said that, after all he was the one who had mastered self-injurious behaviour aeons ago, but the Detective didn’t deserve to struggle with the aftermath of her job like that.

“I rather have her drinking and forgetting in a somewhat safe environment than do anything more dangerous. Don’t try to force her out – I’ve tried that before and it never ends well. Give her time,” Dan advised the tall man in front of him.

“There is not a lot left to be more dangerous than to what she is doing right now, is there?” Lucifer asked exasperated.

Dan looked away and sighed heavily. “Cutting is…”

Lucifer stared at him wide-eyed. Was he just trying to tell him that Chloe had hurt herself at some stage in her life? “Don’t ask me about it. And do not ever mention that I told you. She hasn’t had a relapse ever since we got married and I think Trixie keeps her from doing it even if there were times she thought about it now. Which I don’t know of, and no, it is none of my business either. It’s not a topic to discuss with her,” Dan warned his hellish friend. “I need to go back to the precinct. Being demoted has a lot of downsides aside from the pay cut.” He waved a hand and walked away.

 

Lucifer decided he would wait for her again, like last night. She may be safe inside the pub, something that he isn’t fully convinced of given what had happened with that dirty cop called Malcolm Graham not so long ago, but she had to go home eventually and he would take care of that.

He peeked through the window and noticed the change in Chloe’s mood. She wasn’t as bubbly as before, instead she pursed her lips and nipped on a beer bottle, disregarding the continuous advances made by her male colleagues. She seemed to have zoned out again, like yesterday when they were in the interrogation room. Most of the people at her table noticed her loss in interest and said their good-byes one after another. Only three stayed and ordered another round of shots.

He settled on the pavement again and waited for about an hour before he looked through the window again. Chloe leaned against one of the guy’s shoulders and seemed to be too tired to keep her eyes open. One of the others just brought her a glass of coke. At least there are some decent cops, he thought. Even though he didn’t like the view of his Detective in the arms of another man, seeing that some of her colleagues actually looked after her put his mind at rest. At least a little. He still hadn’t digested the conversation he had with Dan. He needed to talk to Linda as soon as possible. He had no idea how he should approach such a topic. His usual inconsideration would not be of any help here though, he was sure of that.

 

Twenty minutes later, the pub door opened and out came three much annihilated people. “You sure you don’t wanna get a cab and go home, Chloe?” one asked. The person in the middle, Chloe, shook her head. “Nope, I need to be in early tomorrow so I just skip going home and I’ll rack out at the station.”

“Well, we’ve all done that before, haven’t we?” the other man chuckled. “As for me, I am way too old to do that again so I’m gonna call a cab. You are welcome to catch a ride with me, buddy,” he said to the other man.

Lucifer watched the three stagger off towards the police building. He followed them silently, deciding that he would only make himself felt when he was alone with the Detective. He suspected she wouldn’t be pleased to see him again and being deemed as a potential threat to her by some overreacting officers was not on his agenda.

Luckily her two self-proclaimed body-guards bid their farewells outside so it was easier for him to sneak in after his besotted partner. He expected her to use one of the beds reserved for the night shift but she made a bee-line for her desk. She slumped into her chair and laid her head on the desk. She wasn’t going to work on a case now, was she? Her snoring controverted his apprehension. He smirked at the sight – and the sounds – of her. He hoped she wouldn’t always sound like an Albanian field wench. Then again, even if she just sounded like that when drunk he should introduce her to other substances than alcohol...

 

He strode through the precinct until he stood right in front of her. He put his jacket her around her shoulders and she seemed to snuggle into it. Her snoring softened a little bit. He settled in the chair next to her desk and watched her sleep for a little while. Her sleep wasn’t sound and after a few minutes she jerked up violently. She looked around confused and disoriented as if she had forgotten where she was. Then she started retching. Lucifer was quick enough to grab a rubbish bin before she could vomit all over her keyboard. He kneeled beside her and sighed.

“It’s alright, Detective. Let it all out.” He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and petted her back.

“What… are… you… doing here?” she choked out.

“Taking care of you, of course,” he answered matter-of-factly right at the moment when another bout of regurgitation overcame her. She leaned over the rubbish bin, exhausted, and groaned, “Urgh, just let me die already.” Lucifer took the bin from her and smiled. “Not happening, Detective. Come on, let’s get you refreshed.”

He steered her to the bathroom, rubbish bin in one hand and the woman tucked to his other side. He felt her lean into his body. Then he felt his heart skip a beat and he remembered that he had forgotten to ask Linda for a good cardiologist during their last session. Oh well, his soundness wasn’t important right now – after all, he was mostly immortal anyway. But the dear Detective wasn’t and she looked like she wanted to kick the bucket right now. Those poor humans – what had gotten into his Father when he decided they would have to suffer from nasty hangovers every time they chose to indulge in too much booze? And _too much_ was quite a loose term as well, although he had to admit that Chloe unambiguously was three sheets to the wind.

She started heaving again and only just made it to the toilet on time. “Oh God, help me,” she whined. Lucifer sighed. “You do understand that this is not a porcelain telephone to the Heavens, right? Despite, what’s wrong with the Devil helping you? I assure you I am a lot more experienced in this kind of ailment than He will ever be.”

She was too exhausted to even roll her eyes over his Luciferness. She hunkered over the bowl and didn’t even complain when Lucifer draped his jacket around her shoulders again. He pressed damp paper towels in her hands and rubbed her back until he felt her relax a little bit.

 

“Why are you so nice to me?” she asked him, confused, after a while. He cocked his head, not sure what to reply besides the obvious.

“Because you deserve it. I will always have your back and I know you have mine,” he stated. _At least until you know my true self..._

She eyed him sadly. “I don’t deserve you, Lucifer. I deliberately try to push you away and you still come back looking after me and I know you have endured rejection before and you deserve so much better and I am sorry about everything I said yesterday, and how I treated you today and – “

He was baffled by her sudden rambling and laid a finger over her lips. “Shhhhh, Darling. It’s quite alright. Maybe because I know what rejection feels like I know what you are trying to do. But I assure you there is nothing you could do to drive me away. Although I know we will face the inevitable incident that will make you want to be as far away from me as possible.”

She shook her head. “You keep saying that. But I can tell you this won’t happen either.”

He wasn’t in the mood to argue about it and just let her statement hang in the room, knowing better than her. He pulled her to his chest and soothed her. She eventually started to shiver. “I think it would be best for you to actually get some rest in a decent bed, and I am not talking about yours. Your poor spawn would not be able to sleep given the sound level of your snoring. Ouch!” He exclaimed when she elbowed him.

“I do not snore!”

He chuckled. “Oh of course not! Anyway, let me host you tonight. Be assured that you will have my spare bed all to yourself and tomorrow morning I will make you some proper hangover food.” He was certain she would agree, but was delighted when she nodded her consent anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for you! :)
> 
> I do have the feeling that the writing in this part is a little bumpy... I tried my best but feel free to suggest better wording.
> 
> Also, just a head's up - Chloe get's a little exaggerated and there is just a tiny bit of swearing.
> 
> I added a little more of Lucifer's background - I researched what I used in it (because I am SO NOT well-versed in the bible ^^), however if someone with more knowledge wants to add some canon on this part, I am all ears :-)
> 
> Now done with my babbling, enjoy the chapter!

They drove to Lux in his car in silence. He feared her stomach might not be able to handle his usual style of driving so he drove what felt to him like an octogenarian, which was still a bit over the speed limit. He threw his keys to his valet when they arrived and guided the Detective past the crowd waiting in line to get into his club. It was already packed although it wasn’t peak time yet. It took them a while to get to his private elevator, mainly because of the sheer unimaginable amount of young permissive females who were vying for the Devil’s attention. He wasn’t interested in the party goers the slightest and politely but firmly subdued all advances. He felt Chloe tense and suspected the amount of people and the general surroundings of a nightclub were just too much for her in her drunken state.

“We’ll be upstairs in a minute, Love. Relax, I’m looking after you,” he whispered in her ear. He felt her nod but she was still taut and when he looked at her he noticed the distant look on her face which implied that she was zoning out again.

When the elevator door opened to his penthouse and the buzzing of the music from downstairs faded away he heard Chloe exhale audibly. She staggered into the open space of his penthouse and collapsed into his leather couch.

“Would you like some water or coffee?” she heard him ask from behind his well-stocked bar.

“Huh? Oh… uh… n-no thanks,” she stammered, torn from her train of thoughts. He joined her on his giant couch.

“Are you cold, Detective? You are shivering,” he stated and tried to put his arms around her, but she pulled back and held her hands up.

“Don’t touch me!” she hissed, but quickly added a desperate “please” when she saw his hurt expression.

Her constant mood changes made him feel like walking through a mine field but he would not abandon her, he swore to himself, no matter how confusing and draining these unfamiliar outbursts of emotions were to him. She clearly needed someone to rely on, just like himself not so long ago after Uriel’s death. He suddenly felt a lump in his throat and swallowed hard to get rid of it. This wasn’t the time to think about his brother.

He looked at her and nodded. “Alright, I wasn’t going to hurt you – or make out with you,” he somehow felt the urge to explain that he wasn’t even thinking about any sexual engagements at the moment. “Maybe a nice hot foam bath would help you relax a little?” he suggested. “Feel free to use my hot tub as long as you want. In the meantime I’ll be preparing the guestroom for you. Go on, you can lock the bathroom door, you know,” he winked when he sensed her reluctance.

This finally drew out a small smile which didn’t reach her eyes, but he was content to have triggered at least some sort of positive reaction. He got up and walked towards his giant walk-in closet to get her a giant fluffy bath towel. He also grabbed some comfortable lounge wear that was stuffed in the very back of his closet. Maze had gotten them for him when he was healing from his wounds after she had cut off his wings. It took weeks until he finally stopped bleeding through all his clothes and at some point she had become so tired of unbuttoning and buttoning up again his expensive shirts every few hours to change the bandages that she forced him into more convenient wardrobe. The hell-forged weapons had left him exhausted to the bones and he had never felt so much pain in his life before that he was even too weak to argue with her.

He took everything and placed it next to his giant bath tub. He turned on the faucet and let hot water pour in, then returned to his living area where he saw Chloe still sitting on his couch. “Go on, your bath is almost ready. I also have some nice bubbly bath bombs but I don’t know which ones you like so you have to choose them yourself. Take as much time as you need.” He smiled at her and cocked his head, waiting for her to get up and retire to his bathroom. He waited for her to close the door but didn’t hear her lock up. He grinned. It seems like she did indeed trust him.

He made up his spare bed and then settled himself at his piano. He played for quite a while before he heard Chloe come out of his bathroom. She looked a lot better than before, her hair damp and cheeks blushing. She looked ridiculously tiny in his clothes, giving the impression as if she was drowning in them. She padded towards the piano and placed herself next to the tall man on his piano bench. He kept playing quiet tunes that usually soothed him so he figured they would be nice for Chloe to hear as well. He felt her lean into his side. She wasn’t tensed up like before, she almost felt like jelly that tried to nestle into him.

“Thank you. For everything,” he heard her whisper. Again he felt something in his stomach, as if he had swallowed a bunch of caterpillars that tried to crawl back out again. He couldn’t tell if it was a pleasant or an annoying feeling.

“You are very welcome,” he finally said.

He played for another while until he felt her grow heavy against his side. When he looked down he saw that she had closed her eyes. “Why did you stop playing? I’m not asleep yet,” she complained.

“Oh I know that, my dear,” he chuckled. “I haven’t heard you snoring yet.” He felt her pinch his rib cage. “Hey! You need to stop manhandling me!”

“Excuse me?” she snorted with laughter. “This is manhandling to you? I didn’t know the self-proclaimed devil was such a wuss!” His jaw dropped at her cheeky remark – he wasn’t used to be made fun of, even if it was just a funny banter. Only few had dared to treat him like that before, especially human beings. He had to admit he liked it. He shook his head in astonishment.

“Detective, you just earned yourself some time-out! Off to bed with you,” he ushered her.

She got up, smiling, and said, “I didn’t know you were familiar with the educational concept of time-outs.”

He squinted his eyes and thought for a short while. “I would say I was put in time-out until not so long ago myself, my dear.” At her confused look he clarified, “I’m talking about Hell.” She rolled her eyes on his remark.

“Of course, you do... Anyway – I think you are right and I should catch some sleep. I can still feel all the shots I had tonight and I need to sleep them off. Good night, Lucifer.” She gave him a brief hug and then walked towards the guest room.

………

 

 

He let Chloe sleep for a little longer than she would usually do on a normal work day. He pottered about his kitchen, humming upbeat songs to himself and playing with his sharp kitchen knives until he decided on what he would make her for breakfast. He was about to look for the ingredients in his walk-in fridge when he noticed something odd from the corner of his eyes: one of the illuminated shelves at his bar was empty. He was sure he hadn’t had a drink of that particular bottle that was supposed to be there in quite some time. He doubted Maze would have walked in last night with the spawn being all alone at their apartment and Amenadiel still preferred those very unmanly girly-cocktails. He would have sensed his mother had she come around so that left either one of his staff or a club-goer sneaking into his penthouse. Still, he was surprised he hadn’t noticed an unwelcomed intruder but what if Chloe also had an effect on his celestial instincts? He should probably start locking his private elevator when the Detective was around.

 

After a little over ten minutes he finished Chloe’s breakfast and carried everything on a plate to the guest room. He didn’t expect to enter an empty room, no Chloe in sight and all her clothes gone as well. What he did see, however, left him flabbergasted: on the bedside table were two of his whiskey bottles, both floored. That explained why he hadn’t heard anybody come in, but it did not explain where the Detective had buggered off. Why had she gone without telling him? When did she leave anyway? He felt his stomach churn. He cursed those very unwanted emotions that seemed to have a hold of him and that he identified as disappointment and concern.

He walked back into his kitchen, dumping the tablet on the counter and tried to think about where Chloe could have gone. He hoped she wouldn’t have gone home to get Trixie ready for school; she was in no condition to care for an 8-year-old, especially with the amount of booze she had added in the middle of the night in his penthouse. Then again, he thought, Maze would have informed him. Just when he pulled out his phone to call the Detective he heard his elevator ding. He swirled around and was caught off guard when he saw Dan walk out of the lift cage, dragging someone else with him.

 

“Get the fuck off me, Dan!” Chloe yelled at her ex-husband and tried to kick his shins. He struggled to hold her while she fought against him like there was no tomorrow.

“No, I won’t!” Dan pressed out, clenching his teeth. “Oh, calm down already! What has gotten into you?” He tightened his grip around her upper arms. “Ouch!! Did you just bite me??” he exclaimed disbelievingly. He finally let her go.

Chloe took a few steps back, panting and fuming. Lucifer chuckled. Her rage and violence would definitely make her a good demon down in Hell. It looked like Maze had rubbed off on the woman. “And what is wrong with you, man? This is not funny,” Dan scolded the Devil. “Why did you let her drive to work in such an inebriated state?”

Lucifer blinked in surprise. “I didn’t know she was gone. Besides, I doubt she would have been able to drive to the precinct since her car must still be there.”

“Oh, yeah?” Dan huffed and tossed a bunch of keys towards him. Lucifer was surprised to find his own keys in his hands.

“How –,” he started, confused.

“Well, it looks like someone took your vintage car for an unexpected ride,” Dan said, squinting his eyes when he looked at Chloe. “You said he gave you the keys because he couldn’t come in today. You flat out lied to me!”

Chloe who pressed her lips together in a thin line stared back at him but didn’t say a word.

“Well, since you are not going back to work today I would say you get some sleep and sort out whatever it is that makes you behave like an irresponsible teenager. I will cover up for you today and Trixie will stay at my place tonight, but this needs to stop. Pull yourself together or ask for time off. You are a danger to yourself and the people around you! And don’t even start arguing with me. I need to go back to work,” Dan said in a rough manner and added to Lucifer, “And you - take care of her.” Without waiting for a reply, he strode back into the lift and left Lucifer and Chloe alone.

 

“I… I made breakfast,” Lucifer said finally after a moment of uncomfortable silence.

“I don’t need anything. I don’t need your pity either. And since you two seem to team up against me I’ll be going home now,” she said firmly but with a slurred voice that indicated how intoxicated she still must be.

“You are not going anywhere,” Lucifer stated and stepped up to the lift, blocking her way out.

“Let me go!”

“Nope.”

“Don’t make me fight you like Dan!”

“You are welcome to try. But I doubt you would have a chance against me.”

“I have a gun.”

“I have angelical reflexes.”

“Really?” She exclaimed. “Is that all you can come up with when I threaten to kill you?”

“Well I am quite sceptical you would actually want to do that, so yes.”

“Get out of my way, Lucifer!”

“I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you,” he stated again. “Whatever it is, Chloe, there is no need to go through it all on your own. You have me and Maze, and the Douche as well as it seems, and we all are concerned about you. So please, don’t try to deal with things the way I do. Let me help you, or at least talk to me.” He looked at her encouraging. Chloe tried to hold his stare but had to give in after a while.

“I don’t need to talk. But I could use something to eat,” she admitted.

“Alright, well, that is a start. And then you should try and get some more sleep. I doubt you had a lot given that it must have taken some time to drink the dregs of two almost full bottles of my more exquisite whiskeys,” he winked. Chloe looked at him ashamed. “I’m sorry about that. I’ll replace them.”

Lucifer chuckled, “No need for that. Besides, I believe you would have to sell your car to be able to afford them.” He watched Chloe’s shocked expression. “Oh, Detective. You know it’s not about the money. I am concerned about your recent drinking behaviour, though.”

“Right – you, Mr. I-don’t-drink-anything-below-40%-of-alcohol worries about my drinking behaviour?” He nodded. “Yes, especially since celestial metabolism works more efficient than your human metabolism. Also, I do like the occasional wine or Champaign…”

She threw her hands in the air. “And there we are again. Oh, whatever… Just give me something to eat already.”

“With pleasure. I hope you like sautéed mushrooms with a cream cheese sauce, parsley and bacon on rye bread? Some freshly squeezed orange juice should help cure your hangover, too. I’ll make you another cup of coffee. The old one must be cold by now.”

………

 

 

“That was very delicious, Lucifer. Thank you,” Chloe said when she finished the food. Exhaustion overcame her and she had to suppress a yawn. She wasn’t going to give Lucifer any opportunity to tease her about how big her mouth could be.

“You are welcome, Detective,” Lucifer answered and found himself repeating the same few words for the last couple of days become a strange but nice feeling. His deeds usually didn’t involve _thank_ _you’_ s and _you’re welcome’_ s for they were a mere tit for tat encounter. With Chloe, however, it gave him a rush that was so very different to what he was used to when indulging in any sorts of drugs he got a hold of.

 

“…and I really don’t want to be a burden to you,” he heard Chloe say. He blinked, confused. Had she been talking to him? What is wrong with her to always distract him? “Lucifer?” Chloe asked bewildered when he kept staring at her, lost in thoughts.

“Huh? Oh… uh… My dear Detective, you are not a burden to me. You never will be. I gave Dan my word to look after you and you know my word is my bond. Even if I was busy today I would reschedule things and –“

“But your club?” she interrupted him.

“Don’t worry, Love. My staff is competent and if something needed my presence I can go downstairs but I do doubt that. It’s a casual Thursday. Now stop worrying and tell me what I can do for you.”

Chloe sighed but knew this argument wouldn’t lead anywhere. She felt drained and drunk and couldn’t think straight. “Would you mind if I racked out for another couple of hours?”

“Of course, not!” Lucifer shook his head. “Would you like to have another bubble bath before you crash out?”

“No, I don’t think I could keep myself awake and I’m not looking forward to drown in your giant bath tub. And no, you can’t watch over me,” she chuckled, knowing where his mind must have gone when a smirk appeared on his face.

“Very well, then. If you need anything call out for me. I’ll be roaming around and keep myself busy, but be assured there is nowhere I need to be. Now off you pop!”

Chloe closed the door to her room and leaned against the wall. She inhaled and exhaled deeply. She didn’t know what to think or feel about Lucifer’s overprotective side. Truth be told, she liked to see this very different behaviour to what he usually showed around other people, but the concern drove her nuts. She had the nagging feeling that he thought she couldn’t be trusted with her own life and that someone had to keep an eye on her every moment. Oh and she hated it! She had been there before and it hadn’t ended well. She wasn’t a weakling that needed constant surveillance. She felt rage and hatred boil inside her and tried to suppress her emotions. She slid down the wall, started counting to ten and closed her eyes…

………

 

 

“Chloe… Chloe, wake up!” Someone shook her roughly. What is it with people constantly touching her recently? “Get off me!” She scowled and tried to free herself from the strong hands that held her shoulders.

“Whew! Ouch, stop fighting me,” she heard the voice say. It sounded familiar but she couldn’t place it. “Look at me, Chloe. Open your eyes!”

Her eyes snapped open. Lucifer was hunching over her, his face full of concern. Why was he still here? Where was she? This didn’t look like her place. She drew in her surroundings. Bewildered, she recognised Lucifer’s guest room. What was she doing here?

“Wh- what… Lucifer?”

“Shhh, it’s alright, Dear. I think you were having a nightmare. You have been crying in your sleep.”

She touched her face and indeed found her cheeks to be wet from tears. She couldn’t remember crying, nor the apparent nightmare Lucifer was talking about. She felt tense, though, and her back ached. A chill crept through her and only then she realised that she was sitting on the floor. She never made it to the bed. “How long have I been out? What time is it?” she asked confused.

“About one and a half hours, so it’s not even lunchtime yet. Get some more rest – and you are welcome to actually hit the pillow. I doubt palisander boarding is comfortable.”

“Yes, well, I didn’t mean to…” she started, but didn’t know how to finish. To pass out on your parquet floor? She wouldn’t say it, first and foremost to not give him reason to be any more concerned. The look on his face and his raised eyebrows, however, were evident that she didn’t even have to say it out loud for him to know. She sighed. Right now she wished he would regain his cocky attitude and stop looking at her in pity.

“I don’t need help to get into bed, you know. So… do you mind leaving me alone?” she asked irritated.

Lucifer bowed out of his guest room, wondering if he had done something wrong. Chloe seemed to be more bugged than grateful that he had looked after her. He should call Linda and tell her to make those feelings stop, and he wouldn’t mind getting back the blessing of not being able to read emotions but he doubted his shrink would agree on this _. Lucifer, you are still quite oblivious to emotions and we have a long road to go for you to actually embrace the whole entity of it_ , he could hear her say in his mind.

Life had been so much easier without Chloe. But also meaningless, dull and despite having to deal with emotions only since she stepped into his life he wouldn’t want to miss a single day of it. His Father and siblings must be having a great laugh about him in the Silver City… Did his Father even watch out for his actions? Not that He cared much for His own flesh and blood, but He was quite judgy when it came to his little experiment called humanity. Was he going to let Chloe into Heaven or was she condemned to Hell if she kept staying around him? The sudden realisation what his presence might mean to the Detective hit him hard. As much as he wanted to have more than just a friendly relationship with her, he decided to not go any further with her. At least unless he was absolutely certain it would not affect her fate after her death. He sighed. He wished he could reach out to one of his siblings and ask them what opinion Daddy dearest had on Chloe – and him – right now.

There was one he missed in particular but he hadn’t seen him in millennia and he wasn’t even sure they were on good terms. Many of his siblings turned away from him and fought what they believed to be his revenge on their Father. Who had made them believe he tried to overcome the Almighty anyway? He had just asked a simple question and well, he did act out a little bit after, he had to admit, but it wasn’t different to the fights human families had to encounter when their children hit puberty, was it? After all he had tried to fight for what he and his siblings were denied for eternity while His other creations were blessed with it – free will. Then on the other hand, he mused, being down in Hell and having to deal with the vermin of the species for aeons, he wondered what had gotten into his Father the day he decided it would be a good idea to give anyone free will? Most of humankind didn’t even have the slightest idea how blessed they were being able to choose what to do with their lives right from the beginning, but then again that was probably the biggest problem? They were granted free will without knowing the responsibility that came with it. Did his Father think his own children were not responsible enough? Not even his proclaimed favourite son?

But why did He make him and his siblings watch over the humans? They were not allowed to intervene directly but they could give them hints to stay on the right path – except for himself. He had to wait until it was too late for the living and only then he had the chance to show the deceased that they took the wrong path, and in his opinion many of them didn’t even belong in Hell. He happened to be quite fair in terms of punishment to those who ended up on his gates because His father deemed them to be unworthy of eternal bliss but he couldn’t vouch for whoever ran Hell at the moment. If it was one of his angelic brethren, and he hoped it wouldn’t be Michael, they would suffer dearly. He should probably make sure that the wrongly forsaken souls are safe down there – at least as safe as one can be in Hell. And also he should check on Malcom Graham. He wondered which of his demons took on the task to punish that kipper. He hoped it was Paimon, one of his most loyal lieutenants. He would know how to deal with that guy.

 

He blinked in surprise. Had he just thought about summoning one of the kings of Hell to make sure everything ran smoothly down there without his presence? What was happening to him? He had sworn he would abandon that place for all eternity and he actually didn’t care that much about the souls down there, but then again his Mother had managed to escape and what if this was just the beginning of a war between good and evil? His stomach churned at the thought of Chloe living during times of celestial wars, even more so that he would be torn between two sides he wanted to abandon for good. He knew that he would have to reinstate himself as the Lord of Hell because only he was powerful and feared enough to repel the damned souls and obstreperous demons back down. He was their Lord after all, and just then he realised it may not have been his best idea to give his subordinates free will when he created them. The sudden realisation that he somehow understood his Father’s actions left him furious. No – no, bloody hell, he was NOT like his Father!

 

He strode to his bar and chugged a bottle of strong whiskey, not bothering to fill it into a glass. The alcohol burned in his throat, more than the usual ticklish feeling. Did Chloe have an effect on his alcohol consumption? Would he be able to get black-out drunk when she is around? He liked the buzz he could get when she wasn’t around but it would be an interesting experience, wouldn’t it? But that would mean his celestial metabolism wouldn’t be as efficient as he was used to it. Did that mean he actually had to watch his caloric intake? And would he be getting grey hair at some stage? And what about wrinkles? He grimaced at the thought. That affect would only last as long as Chloe lived, wouldn't it? She would become old and fragile at some point in her life (although he doubted she would be any less attractive then) and a lot of people would start asking question why he was still in his prime of life. And then he would eventually have to reveal he was the Devil. Wait – what? Did he imagine a life with Chloe until Death did them part? He had to stop going down this train of thought, hadn’t he just sworn to himself he would not go any further with her until he was sure she was still safe to go to Heaven? Which would mean he would never see her again, for he wasn’t allowed back up there. Making her choose to go to Hell for his selfish desire to be able to see her after she died also wasn’t an option. This is not what she deserved!

He suppressed the urge to throw the now empty whiskey bottle around for he didn’t want to wake Chloe up. He felt helpless and hated the burden that was tied to his being. He would never be able to be happy and live a fulfilled life, would he?

He sighed again and walked towards his study. He needed to calm down but since Chloe was still asleep he didn’t want to play the piano in case it woke her up. He promised her to stay around so he couldn’t go downstairs to the one in his club either. Standing in front of his massive library-like bookshelf, he let his eyes wander until he found the book he was looking for to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is interested in Lucifer's breakfast for Chloe - I thought of this:  
> http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/creamy-mustard-mushrooms-toast-glass-juice
> 
> I added the bacon and didn't let him use mustard, though :-D Also - he uses parsley instead of chives (because I prefer the first)  
> Hint: has anyone seen Tom Ellis as Gary in Miranda? There is a scene where he acts all unmanly and says something like "and a little bit of parsley" and yeah, I had to think of this scene while writing *snickers*


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is again more of a fill-in before we get a little more action from Chloe ;-)  
> I hope you guys don't mind that it takes a while to build up but I know from experience that the time before someone gets the courage to confide in someone can be very intense - for the one who doesn't really know what's going on and the one who struggles to open up.
> 
> Chloe gets quite defensive in this part again as well, so some swearing in here, too. 
> 
> Hope you enjo and as always - I appreciate your comments/criticism! :)  
> (Oh BTW I think one paragraph may be hard to understand for native speakers... I'm wondering if someone can point out what I'm talking about ^^)

“You read?” Lucifer heard Chloe’s voice behind him in disbelief.

“Why is that a surprise to you, Detective?” he asked, looking up from the book in his hands and eying her amused.

“You – uh… you don’t seem to be a reader to be honest,” she said and blushed. She had been surprised by the depth of his personality so many times and still she kept putting her foot in her mouth.

“I seem to be a lot of things you would never think I was,” he chuckled. “You see, this here –“ he waved around his huge collection of books, “this is not an application of decoration. It’s an accumulation of knowledge, an insight into humanity’s perceptiveness, a legacy of thinkers and philosophers and – what?” he stopped abruptly at the sight of Chloe’s confused gaze upon him.

“So you are telling me, you – Mr. Short-attention-span, Mr. Anything-besides-sex-is-boring – you have read all those books? How old did you say are you? Because I doubt your lifetime could be anything near long enough to actually have read all of them. Not with the amount of time you spend with multiple people in your bed, anyway.”

“As I said, Detective, I have layers like an onion. And also I have been telling you time and again that I'm immortal and have existed for almost as long as the universe, so plenty of time to indulge in various kind of things apart from the horizontal tango. It’s not like there were a lot of sexual innuendos during the Middle Ages anyway. I was busy forging underlings for the sheer amount of witch-hunters that were sent to my gates. Ah, it was a hilarious time. You know, a lot of those who claimed to work on my Father’s purpose ended up in Hell and many of the witches ended up in Heaven.”

He didn’t say anything further. Chloe eyed him suspiciously, trying to make any sense of what he had just said. Sometimes her partner’s detachment of reality and his constant claims to be immortal and the Devil left her anxious about his sanity. He was a brilliant investigator and his mind seemed to work differently but the amount of drugs he admitted freely to use had taken their toll on his brain. Not knowing what to say about his rambling, she decided to let the topic drop and instead asked him what book he was reading.

“It’s a book called ‘ _Also sprach Zarathustra_ ’,” he said and showed her a tattered manuscript.

“Never heard of it… Wait – that, what language is this? Is this German?” she asked curiously.

“Yep, ‘ _Thus Spake Zarathustra_ ’ is the English title, but I prefer to read writings in their original language. It’s Friedrich Nitzsche’s most famous novel. You have heard of Nietzsche?”

She nodded. “Well I know he was a philosopher but haven’t read any of his works. Didn’t he criticize Christianity? And wasn’t he the one who developed the concept of the _Übermensch_ which later was used by the Nazi regime?”

“Why, Detective, I didn’t know you had knowledge about such things.” He sounded genuinely impressed.

“Well, I did go to school, you know. Although I didn’t learn any other languages than English. How many languages do you speak, actually?”

“All of them!” he exclaimed which made her roll her eyes.

“Right… then why don’t you read a bit to me?” she teased him, not believing he was able to read and speak German for real. He indeed put a lot of effort into the Devil persona.

“Uh… very well. There is a poem which I like. It’s Zarathustra’s roundelay.” He flipped through the script until he found the page he was looking for. He cleared his voice and started:

 

                “ _Oh Mensch! Gib acht!_

_Was spricht die tiefe Mitternacht?_

_ <<Ich schlief, ich schlief –,_

_Aus tiefem Traum bin ich erwacht: –_

_Die Welt ist tief,_

_Und tiefer als der Tag gedacht._

_Tief ist ihr Weh –,_

_Lust – tiefer noch als Herzeleid:_

_Weh spricht: Vergeh!_

_Doch alle Lust will Ewigkeit –,_

_– will tiefe, tiefe Ewigkeit! >>“_

He looked up and burst into laughter at the sight of Chloe’s surprised look. She gaped like a fish that desperately needed water.

“What? You didn’t believe I can speak German, did you?”

She shook her head.

“Do you want the English translation?”

She nodded.

 

 _“O man, take care!_  
                What does the deep midnight declare?  
                ‘I was asleep—  
                From a deep dream I woke and swear:—  
                The world is deep,  
                Deeper than day had been aware.  
                Deep is its woe—  
                Joy—deeper yet than agony:  
                Woe implores: Go!  
                But all joy wants eternity—  
                Wants deep, wants deep eternity.’ "

 

“Lucifer Morningstar, you are an enigma. Why is it that this deep, philosophical side of you doesn’t come out more often?” Chloe asked after they sat in silence for a while.

“Because I choose not show it to people. It’s the same reason why you don’t talk about what’s bothering you, isn’t it? You don’t want people to have power over you and you fear that would happen if they knew. There are not many people you trust enough and for me – well, being deemed Evil Incarnate doesn’t leave a lot of people on good terms with me. But as I said before, and I quite happily repeat it time and again until you believe it, I am your friend and you are welcome to confide in me.”

She tensed. She had the nagging feeling that he deliberately had set up this conversation so she would open up. Why did everyone believe she needed to talk about something? What bothered her most was her partner’s insidious attempt to make her spill out her guts. It’s as if he and her ex-husband had plotted against her. Her eyes widened at the realisation of that possibility.

“Did – did Dan talk to you about me?” she asked.

Lucifer’s head shot up. He swallowed, his thoughts rushing through his mind. He wasn’t going to lie to her but he also didn’t want to admit that Dan had mentioned something she obviously wasn’t ready to share with him. His inner dispute must have been visible on his face for he didn’t even have to say anything; Chloe knew anyway.

“What did he tell you?” she hissed in fury, and he could feel anger radiating from her body.

“Chloe…” he started.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID HE TELL YOU???” she screamed at him, her fists clenched.

“He… I… would you just…” he stammered, taken aback by her sudden emotional outburst. He wasn’t prepared for her to jump out at him and stumbled against his book-shelf when she started hammering her fists against his chest.

“I TRUSTED YOU! AND YOU – YOU JUST – ALL YOU DO IS RUN TO MY EX WHO IS OBLIVIOUS TO – TO – HE HAS NO IDEA AT ALL AND THEN YOU TWO SPECULATE OVER ME??”

It hurt him to see her in such distress, her face taut with anger, ashen, tears spilling out of her eyes and breathing raggedly. She fought him like he was an inner demon that she tried to overpower. He didn’t know what had gotten into her, but somehow he understood. He was a being on this plane who knew how it felt to be torn apart from inner turmoil and the feeling of betrayal.

He embraced her, holding tightly onto her although she kept hitting him. He tried to soothe her and whispered comforting reassurances in her ear and waited for her to calm down. She slumped against him eventually.

 

“What did he tell you?” she asked again, exhausted.

“He told me there had been a time in your life when you harmed yourself,” he said quietly.

“Urgh – that was ages ago!”

“I know. He told me that cases which involved sexually abused children are hard for you and you needed an outlet and he’d rather have you getting black-out drunk with somewhat reliable colleagues than getting back into more harmful coping mechanisms. Hey – don’t be mad at him. He tried to reason with me! I was about to storm back in that pub and drag you out but he kept me from doing so.”

She was still angry, that he could feel. But she also seemed to think about what he said.

“You were worried about me?” she asked while chewing on her lip.

“Why, yes, of course, Detective! Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well mainly because you don’t care about those cases, you let them roll off your shoulders as if they were a mere inconvenience. And you are not one to question my drinking behaviour. That’s the pot calling the kettle black!”

“Chloe, I do care about those cases. But I have seen so many things in my life and if everything would put a strain on me I would have lost my mind aeons ago. Also, simply because I tend to have slightly unhealthy coping mechanisms doesn’t mean you need to follow suit.”

She let his words sink in. She hadn’t thought about his point of view before. She was annoyed with herself – of course he would care! And of course he needed to keep himself detached. It’s not like she didn’t know he had a rough past and his upbringing must have been very abusive so he couldn’t allow those cases to come near him. She remembered the scars on his back. He must have gone through so much pain in his life and all she did was blame him for trying to keep his emotions in check. How utterly selfish of her!

“Lucifer, I’m – I’m sorry about what I said. I’ve been horrible to you in the last couple of days. You shouldn’t have to deal with me. I – just let me go home and get some rest and I will be as good as new in no time.”

“No, Chloe. I’m not letting you go home. You don’t have to deal with it all by yourself. I’m not going to pressure you into telling me, but at least let me keep you company. And no, this isn’t about not trusting you to do something to yourself. I just happen to know that sometimes you need someone right beside you. You have done the same for me, remember? The night Father Frank died…”

Why was he so compassionate? She didn’t deserve him but at the same time she couldn’t imagine a life without him, whether it be as her best friend or maybe more. She dismissed that thought. No, she was way too unstable for him and she had so many issues to deal with. She couldn’t allow to add herself onto his burdens.

“Stop worrying, Detective. Abandon those thoughts and let me distract you with some proper lunch, alright?” At the mention of lunch she realised how hungry she was. Something to eat sounded good and hopefully it would distract Lucifer from the conversation they just had. It’s not that she didn’t trust him but she feared that if he told her only one more time that she can confide in him she might actually spill the beans. And she wasn’t going to open Pandora’s Box.

………

 

 

When Lucifer offered to make _proper_ lunch he had something else than chicken broth in mind but he couldn’t blame Chloe for her fear to empty her stomach on a delicious three-course-meal so he agreed to tone down. Something was eating her up from the inside and what he had learned during his time on Earth was that humans opted for broth when they felt nauseous or were physically or mentally disturbed. And all three reasons applied to her, there was no doubt.

Chloe was nestled in a blanket on his couch, sipping on the bowl of hot liquid he had made for her. He regarded her intently but didn’t dare to disturb the silence.

“So… uh… how did you get interested in a man who died in a looney bin after catching syphilis?” Chloe asked after a while, a little nervous under his watchful eyes.

Lucifer chuckled. “Did you know that this is a myth? The syphilis thing, I mean? He indeed had lost his marbles, but he was what nowadays we would call bipolar. They didn’t know the term back in his days so they tried to reason with what they knew. Also during his last years alive he suffered from dementia. It’s more likely that he died of mercury poisoning.”

Chloe gaped at him. “How do you know that?”

“I had the occasional chat with him.”

“Lucifer, please. He lived like 120 years ago!”

“Ah, well. I keep telling you but you refuse to believe. I assure you I met him. He is down in Hell.”

Chloe wasn’t sure if he was trying to get her mind off her own problems or if he was being serious and actually believed to have met a German philosopher in a non-existent biblical place where the damned are supposed to suffer for eternity. Since this conversation actually distracted her from her own troubles she decided to play along.

“And of all the people down in Hell you decided to catch up with him. Why?”

“Oh I like his attitude!” At her confused look he added, “He said something very humbling about me.”

“Which was…?”

“ _The Devil has the broadest perspectives for God; therefore, he keeps so far away from God -- the Devil being the most ancient friend of **wisdom**_ ,” he recited, particularly emphasizing the last word.

“Well I get you seem to be a smarty-pants but isn’t that a little far-fetched?”

“Wisdom comes with age, my Dear, and there are not many who can outnumber me on those terms.”

“Riiight… Then, tell me, how old are you?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Being vain, are we?” Chloe snickered and when he pouted she couldn’t hold back her laughter anymore. “Such a peacock!”

The sound of her laughter made his heart jump. It felt good to have a little bit of her bright side coming back, even if it was at his expense. She wasn’t wrong, either. He was proud of his appearances but little did she know that this wasn’t the reason he wasn’t going to amplify his age. She would right out flip him the bird, again.

When her laughing fit wore off and she regained her composure, she said seriously, “I know only one thing your _friend_ said. He provided the best explanation why there can’t be the Big Guy watching upon us up there.” She tilted her head toward the ceiling. “ _If the All Powerful God controls Satan he is an accomplice, and if he doesn’t, he is not an All Powerful God._ So tell me again, how would someone in his right mind let all those dreadful things happen if he really existed?”

Lucifer sighed. “Yes, well, that is the problem. He is NOT in his right mind. Also, I don’t think he cares anymore. He hasn’t cared in a very long time for his own Flesh and Blood and He seems to have abandoned you people as well.”

“I’ve never been well versed in the bible but the more insight I get from you – and no, I still refuse to believe you are Evil Incarnate – the more I cotton up with the possibility of having a being that punishes the evil and doesn’t just favour the good. Satan seems to be far more caring than his counterpart. If God really existed I would think he himself would end up in Hell, wouldn’t he?”

Lucifer beamed at her in delight. “Detective, that is exactly what I’ve been trying to tell people for I don’t many how many millennia! You are finally getting the hang of me being actually me and not some method actor –“

“Whoa, wait!” She cut him off. “That’s NOT what I meant! All I said is it may give me some closure to believe that someone is out there to punish those who couldn’t be held responsible during their lifetime.”

“You don’t make much sense, Detective,” Lucifer said wary. “What closure are you talking about?”

She realised she may have revealed a little too much. She immediately shut down and refused to say anything else. Lucifer, who was desperate to keep her in a light mood, tried to change the topic but she didn’t seem to listen to him. Her gaze was empty, she looked like she had zoned out again.

After a while he decided to play the piano. Maybe that would help her? He needed some distraction and so did his guest. He played for almost an hour when he suddenly noticed Chloe move from the couch toward his bathroom. He hoped she wasn’t sick and just wanted to have another relaxing bath. He didn’t hear her retch but a tap being turned on. He kept playing for another half an hour, the tunes he played becoming more cheerful now that he was sure the Detective soothed her nerves in his luxurious tub.

………

 

 

How much water could fit in his bath tub? It was large but he doubted it was grand enough to not brim over by now for Chloe must have let the tap run for the last thirty minutes. Had she fallen asleep and forgotten to turn off the faucet? He wanted to check on her but he didn’t want to overstep her personal boundaries. What was happening to him? He never cared about personal space – if it was one of the Britneys he would have burst into his bathroom without a second thought.

He cautiously knocked on the door and waited for her to answer. He heard a whimper but didn’t receive an answer. He knocked again. “Detective?” he called out, but again he heard nothing but a faint sobbing noise. Was she crying again? He opened the door.

There she was…

Not in his bath tub, no, she was sitting in his shower, her legs tucked up and her arms wound around them. Her head laid on her knees, her gaze far away and tears ran down her cheeks. She was shaking like a leaf. To his shock he noticed the tap was turned on cold. Had she been sitting in the freezing water for the whole time?

He strode across the room, opened the shower cubicle and turned off the tap. He kneeled down beside her. She didn’t even notice his presence. He tried to talk to her to get her out of her trance-like state but she kept ignoring him. He touched her arm. It was stone-cold. He had to get her dried and warmed up immediately.

He pulled her up, grabbed her towel and wrapped her in. He rubbed her back while steering her out into his bedroom.

“What are you doing, Detective? You are getting yourself pneumonia,” he whispered.

He didn’t receive an answer. He worried about her, so much that he didn’t care if she was going to punch him when she woke up from her delirium and find herself tucked in his bed, naked, with him lying beside her. He carried her over, dropped the wet towel on the floor and swathed her into his silk sheets. She was frozen stiff; he was always warm due to his increased metabolism. Once again he found his Father’s idea to give his Creations such fragile shells utterly stupid. Why would He make them unimmunised to hypothermia? The warm surroundings of Hell must be a pleasure to them, at least for the women with their constantly cold feet – well, if it wasn’t for the torture.

He felt Chloe stir beside him. Her eyes were closed and she seemed to have fallen asleep. She curled up against him and mumbled something incoherent. He stroke her back and slightly pecked her forehead. Having the Detective lay in his arms gave him a pleasant rush and he allowed himself to also drift off to slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact for this chapter - but also a little spoiler for S2E10:
> 
>  
> 
> Does anyone remember what Lucifer said in "Quid Pro Ho" when he came to Chloes apartment in the morning before the trial of her Dad's killer? He repeated Chloe's words so he ended with "...for the killer of my Dad" and then was surprised: "What - Nietzsche?"
> 
> I had a good laugh on that one, I missed that part the first time I watched the episode and at the second time I had already written this chapter. So it wasn't related that I chose the same bloke, I just imagine Lucifer and him having the occasional chat over Dad ^^


	5. Chapter 5

A couple of hours later Lucifer was woken up by fiery kisses. Hmm, how he loved it when his bed companions wanted to go for another round. He was drowsy, though, and couldn’t remember their first round?! His eyes snapped open. The Detective was straddling him, unbuttoning his shirt while smothering his face and neck with kisses.

“I… I must be dreaming,” he panted.

“Nope, not at all,” Chloe whispered huskily. She concentrated on his neck, trying to give him love bites.

“Chloe – wait! You… uunghh…” Bloody Hell, she was good! He lost the ability to form a proper sentence when she found his erogenous zone between his nape and left earlobe. If she kept sucking and biting there he would – aaah, he would do so many lovely things to her. A little voice in his head told him to not let her go further, though. At least not yet. The behaviour Chloe displayed was so unlike her that he still wasn’t fully convinced he was awake, and if he was then her actions should raise red flags. He gathered all his willpower and turned them both around so that he was lying above her. He supported his weight on his elbows and kept enough space between them so she couldn’t lavish more kisses on him.

“Chloe, what are you trying to do?”

“What does it look like to you?”

“I would say you are trying to seduce me.”

“Exactly,” she purred.

“Whoa, wait. Chloe – what’s going on? It’s not that I wouldn’t mind going down that road but –“

“But what?” She interrupted him. “What’s the matter now, Lucifer? Why are you so reluctant to sleep with me? It’s the second time you turn me away when I’m practically throwing myself onto you!”

“I wouldn’t spare a second thought on that if this behaviour of yours wasn’t so – odd!”

“Odd? Do you have a screw loose?!” Her expression didn’t show any sign of lust anymore, all Lucifer could see on her was wrath.

“I certainly do not, Detective! All I’m trying to say is –“

“Is what? That you are not going to fuck me because I’m damaged goods?” She needed to get away from him. He was like every other man. As soon as they noticed something was wrong with her everything went down the drain. She pushed him off her and stumbled off the bed and staggered into the bathroom to collect her clothes.

“I never said you were damaged goods! What are you on about?”

“FORGET IT! This was a mistake. I thought I could trust you but of course, this would be too much of a burden for you. You know, only because I like to drink sometimes and show my emotions from time to time doesn’t mean I’m not a healthy adult, no it doesn’t mean that I’m less of a woman that can have sex, either!” She spat and slammed the door shut.

Lucifer was still sitting on his bed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He so hoped he misinterpreted the Detective’s notion of _damaged goods_ but his instincts usually didn’t betray him on such terms. He had heard those words too many times both in Hell and on Earth… He waited until she finally came out of the bathroom. He needed to talk to her. He wanted – needed – to understand.

“Chloe, please, can we talk about what just happened?” he asked carefully, but she ignored him, still foaming with rage. He stood up and followed her. “Chloe…”

“Leave me alone! I need to get out of here. And don’t you dare trying to hold me back!” she sputtered while she was hammering on the elevator button. When the door opened she didn’t turn around, she simply stepped inside and waited for the doors to close behind her. Not in a million years would she allow for him to see the tears in her eyes that she couldn’t contain anymore.

………

 

 

He paced around his penthouse, agitated and helpless. What should he do? He had no idea where she might have gone, although he had the suspicion she would try to get plastered again. He cussed over himself. Why on Earth had he tried to stop her from things he would love to do with her? This could have been such a pleasurable day! He pulled his phone out and called the one person he hoped could help him: his shrink.

“Lucifer, I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon again,” he heard Linda say.

“Believe it or not – me neither. And this call isn’t about me, either. I need your help. I don’t know what to do right now. I think I fucked up big time…”

Linda wasn’t used to Lucifer using such sanguinary language. He seemed to be profoundly distressed.

“I’ll have a client in about half an hour but it’s the last appointment for today. If you want to come in then I can stay for another session.”

“Appreciated, but I need your advice now. So I’ll outline the important facts and you tell me what to do, alright?”

“Lucifer – n-no! I don’t do appointments over the phone!”

“Lucky you, this isn’t an appointment since it isn’t about me! So help me help the Detective!”

Linda sighed. “Alright – but we are not letting this become a habit. I’m doing this only because I haven’t heard you in such distress for quite a while!”

………

 

 

When he hung up the phone twenty minutes later he didn’t feel one bit smarter. What was it with therapists insisting on sitting out, not worrying too much, everything will come around eventually, blah blah blah. Seriously, humans had such a short life span – why would anyone think it would be well-advised to tell them _to just abide the issue_. Patience is so not a virtue of the Devil. Nor would he listen to his shrink. Right when he was about to grab his car keys to drive around to find Chloe his lift opened and out came a distressed looking bartender.

“Sir, I’m sorry to interrupt, but we are having an issue in the club.” Lucifer’s employee swallowed hard as if he tried to avoid what he needed to tell his boss. “There is a guest throwing a temper tantrum and I thought you would want to take care of it yourself.”

Lucifer cocked his eyebrows. It was afternoon, the club shouldn’t be open yet. Some people were well-known to his bouncers and they let them in earlier on occasion but none of them were known to have fits of rage. Curious, but also annoyed because he would rather look after Chloe right away, he followed his bartender downstairs.

 

He could hear yelling and the rupture of glass bottles even before the lift door opened. Someone must be in a really bad mood but oh dear, had they chosen the wrong location to get all their temper out.

“Hello, Mr. Destroyer, Sir. Would you be so kind and stop trying to destroy my premises?” he called out.

Someone yelped, and when Lucifer turned around he saw one of his staff members slump over the floor. He had a bleeding cut above his right eyebrow. Someone was standing above him and he tried to protect himself from another blow with a bottle.

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE TO FUCKING TOUCH ME AGAIN, ASSHOLE!” a female voice screamed. The realisation who the woman was made Lucifer’s blood freeze in his veins. What was she doing there? What was she doing to his workers? Why was she trying to destroy this place? Clearly she held a grudge against him but that didn’t mean she could roam around and run the risk to hurt other people who were not involved the slightest in their dispute.

Lucifer was torn apart. He didn’t want to harm her but he was responsible for his employees and he couldn’t let anything happen to them, either. He raised his voice to gain her attention. She slowly turned around and stared at him. The look on her face upset him. She looked haunted. She opened her mouth; Lucifer was prepared to be hit by a bout of insults but all she did was scream of the top of her lungs. A bottle flew through the air, bursting apart on his piano, leaving a dent in the black wood.

“NOT MY PIANO!!!” he growled. He darted forward and pulled another bottle out of her hand. “You need to stop doing that!”

“Who are you to fucking tell me what to fucking do?” she bit out. He could smell rum in her breath. “You do whatever pleases you, you take what you want and now you are scolding me for imitating you?”

“I do whatever pleases me if – and only if – all other participants are willing to do the same. You, on the other hand, just scared the living hell out of my staff and I think one of them needs sutures. I don’t think he wanted that. If you feel we have to resolve something that is fine, we can take that somewhere else. But you can’t draw them into our sitch.”

She looked at him, defeated. Nausea overcame her and she collapsed on the floor. She choked on her own vomit. Lucifer knelt beside her and positioned her in the lateral recumbent position. Then he checked on her breathing and when he was sure she wasn’t in a life-threatening condition he got up and looked around his club.

 

Almost half of his bar was scattered around, leaving the floor in a pool of alcohol and shards of glass. He sighed. He would have to call in a favour to have the place cleaned up and ready on time for tonight’s party-goers.

“Would somebody please bring me into the loop? What happened? Dean?” he asked, impatiently waiting for an explanation.

“Uhm… I was in the cold storage and when I came back she was already here throwing stuff around. I tried to reason with her and wanted to yank the bottle out of her hand but she was quicker and then she struck me with it.”

 “Do you need to get medical attention?” Lucifer asked.

Dean shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. But if you don’t mind I would like to go home and change clothes before my shift starts.”

Lucifer nodded. “If you feel like working tonight, you can do that. You two –“ he waved at his other staff members, “keep an eye on him. If he needs anything make sure to call the right people. Also, you know who to call to clean up this mess.” All three of them nodded. They rushed out of the club, not wanting to witness what their boss was going to do to the unwelcome intruder…

Lucifer waited until he heard the door shut. He looked down on the woman who was still passed out and covered in alcohol, glass shards and puke. It saddened him deeply to see her in such a wreckful state. He crouched down, put her arm around his shoulders and carried her into his penthouse.

He laid her on his couch, positioning her on her side in case she needed to throw up once more. Then he pulled a blanket over her, grabbed a bucket and placed it next to her on the floor. He leaned against his couch and raked his fingers through her hair. “What am I going to do you with you?” he asked in desperation. He pulled out his phone, flipped through his contacts until he found the one who he was looking for. _I need a favour_ , he texted.

………

 

 

“Oh wow, she is pretty out of it, isn’t she?”

“I didn’t call you to tell me the obvious,” Lucifer answered petulantly. “Have you got what I asked you to bring?”

“Yes, of course, of course!” the man assured. “Do you know how to insert a cannula?”

Lucifer nodded. “I’m not sure about the drop rate, though. Also, should I add the downer right away or wait until her liver has broken down the alcohol?”

“Do you know how much she had?” the man asked. Lucifer shook his head. “Well, then I would wait. It’s not like she needs it right now anyway. Bear in mind that most people wouldn’t want to be tranquilized against their will and she seems to already have thrown quite a tantrum if I am correct on the assumption that the mess downstairs was caused by her. I wouldn’t want to give her another reason to do that again if I were you.”

Lucifer nodded absently. The talk he was about to initiate was going to leave its toll on her and he assumed it would be for the best to preserve the medication in case she needed to be sedated.

“I’ll leave you another infusion bag. Four to five drops per second should be fine for the first IV. That’s about 45 minutes for the whole solution. If she needs another one aim for two drops per second otherwise it may put a strain on her cardiovascular system. Is there anything else I can do for you right now, Mr Morningstar?”

“No, thanks, Doctor. You may go. But do not leave town in case I need you again.”

“Of course not,” the man muttered. He packed his utensils and hurried to get away. Lucifer Morningstar gave him the creeps every time he had to come in for a favour. He didn’t know why, exactly. He had made a good deal with the club owner and the occasional favours he agreed to give in return had never been too demanding. Still, the tall man had an aura around him that was evident he would not accept refusals. Would they ever be even?

Lucifer waited until the doctor was in the lift, then he took the IV bag and fiddled with the cannula to insert it into his guest’s brachial vein. Then he went to the bar, poured himself a drink and retired to his study. He would read some books until his guest woke up. And then they would be having a profound conversation, irrespective of whether or not she wanted…

………

 

 

 “Detective, I’m surprised to see you among the living,” Lucifer said when he walked into his living area and saw that she was finally awake.

She looked around groggily. “How long have I been out?”

“Almost ten hours. Do you want to catch a few more ZZZ’s?”

“I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep anymore. What did you give me?” she asked when she noticed the empty IV bag on the table.

“A saline solution. You passed out and I called a physician. There is another one if you need it.”

“No, I’m good.” Her croaky voice didn’t convince him but he wasn’t going to argue with her about trivialities. There were much more urgent things he needed to discuss with her.

“Chloe, we need to talk,” he stated. He saw her muscles tense and he assumed she already knew what he was trying to get her to say.

“Lucifer, please – don’t. There is nothing to talk about.” She avoided his gaze and pulled the blanket tighter around her.

“Don’t fool me. I’ve been observing you for the last three days and it’s not _nothing_ that keeps you from behaving like your normal self. I’m worried, Detective.”

“There is nothing to be worried about. I thought Dan told you – it’s just the occasional outburst after a hard case.”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” he challenged her.

“What are you on about? There is nothing different with me.”

Lucifer looked at her in suspicion. He tried to make sense of what she said. Clearly she can’t deny that her blatant attempt to get him into the sheets and the destruction of his club after he turned her down were nothing but different. Unless…

“What is the last thing you remember?”

“Ending up back here after Dan forced me to come here. Why?”

“Because – if that is the last thing you remember you are missing a fair amount of time…”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, revelation time!
> 
> There is hurt/comfort, angst and fluffy Luci in this one, I hope you enjoy! :)
> 
> Also, as always - feedback is appreciated! <3

“Is that the same lame joke you pulled on me on our first case?” She remembered that day in the hospital like it was yesterday. He had told her she had been out for 3 years – such an ass!

“No, I’m not joking this time. Also I wouldn’t crack the same gag twice. If you don’t believe me look outside. It’s well past midnight.”

She got up from the couch and walked toward Lucifer’s balcony. The blanket was draped around her and she tried to hide in it. This was so embarrassing! She hadn’t lost time like that in years. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know what had happened, or not.

“Aren’t you gonna take the piss out of me now?” she asked, standing there crestfallen, her eyes focused on the almost full moon and desperately trying to avoid her partner’s gaze.

“I would never do such thing, Detective! You should know that by now. But –“ he took a deep breath before he continued, “I still think we should talk about today’s occurrences.”

_Please no_ , she thought. But she knew he was too stubborn and there was no way he would stop pestering her until he drew out this deep dark secret of her. It was probably best to get over with it now and then get back to work to get her mind off the self-loathing that would eventually follow this conversation. It always did.

She waited for him to finally ask his questions but he remained silent. After what seemed like an eternity she couldn’t bear the silence anymore and reluctantly turned around. Lucifer was sitting on his couch, legs crossed and arms resting on top of them. He looked at her in expectation.

“Add a clipboard and you look like a shrink,” she teased.

“Do you need one?”

“Nope.” She emphasised the p.

“Why don’t you sit down?”

“Can this get any more awkward? You don’t expect me to spill my guts out in a set-up that reminds me of a psych ward, do you?”

“You happen to know the set-ups of a psych ward?”

“What if?”

“Then I would like to know how that came about.”

She sighed. She didn’t like where this talk was heading and fell resolutely quiet. It was an uneasy silence between them. The uncomfortable moment dragged on for what felt like forever and she started to nervously fiddle on her sleeves. She was lucky to still have the blanket draped around her, otherwise Lucifer would surely have seen her tension.

 

“Very well, why don’t you tell me how I can make you a little more comfortable so you feel like sharing just a teeny-tiny bit?” he asked after another couple of minutes in silence.

She gave a false laugh. “You think there is any possible way I _actually feel_ like sharing?”

He suddenly jumped up. “Come with me,” he said and pulled her towards his study. He vanished behind one of his enormous book-shelves and resurfaced just a moment later, dragging two giant somethings with him. What on earth was he doing?

 

“BEAN BAGS???” Chloe exclaimed in disbelief.

“Yep!” He draped both of them in front of his fireplace. “Now get down and relax,” he ordered her while fumbling around the chimney until he managed to light a fire.

The room soon filled with the scent of fir wood and the sound of crackling twigs. He then collapsed into the bean bag next to Chloe and stared into the flames, pondering how he should address the events of the day. He was so preoccupied with his thoughts that it took him a while to realise that Chloe had snuggled up to him. Her head rested on his chest and she drew patterns on his torso with her fingers. The blanket had slid down her back so he reached over and wrapped it around the both of them. He felt her relax into him. Now was the time to have the talk but he couldn’t bring himself to disturb the pleasant togetherness. Just a few more minutes and then he would definitely introduce the most important topics. If he only knew how…

“You are nervous,” he heard Chloe chuckle against his rib cage.

“I am most certainly not!” he denied with mock indignation.

“Yes, you are! Your heart is thumping away.”

“That – is my metabolism.” It wasn’t a lie though deep down he knew that even his celestial cardiovascular system couldn’t be held responsible for the thuds he could feel in his chest. The Devil being nervous? Unacceptable!

“Oh, Lucifer, you are so sweet when you try to hide your caring side, you know?”

“Sweet? You better take that back! The Devil is not sweet!” he said stiffly in defiance.

“Maybe not the Devil. But you are. And I’m not taking it back. It makes me feel comfortable. You make me feel comfortable. And now you are flattered. Your heart just skipped a beat!”

“Would you stop doing that? This _I can feel your emotions voodoo_ -thing?” he begged her.

“Talking about voodoo-things – why is it that you seem to know that there might be something I try not to let out? I thought your mind tricks don’t work on me?”

“Uuuh well, there was no need to try and pull them out with my little mind trick… You don’t remember your tantrum from earlier today, do you?” he asked cautiously. He felt her head shake. “Has this happened before? You losing time, I mean?"

“Maybe,” she answered vaguely.

They both fell silent again.

 

“You can’t tell anybody, Lucifer,” Chloe said after a while. “If anyone finds out I might lose my badge. This hasn’t happened in a very long time and I don’t know what triggered it. Please, promise me to keep it to yourself.” She begged him in desperation. Redundant, for he never even had intended on raising concerns about her current state of mind.

“Detective, you have seen me in a far worse state and I still work cases with you. You seem to trust me which I still don’t understand why. Let me assure you I will not let you down. I’m here to help, to listen, or to whatever you want me to be or do.”

“Hmmm… thank you,” she said.

 

Their conversation came to another standstill. Why was this so hard? How did Linda manage to guide her clients into the direction they needed to be pushed in? Was she ever nervous about the things her clients may reveal? How did she deal with all the emotional burdens that were dumped on her?

 

“Are you sure you want to hold this conversation?” Chloe asked after a while. “You seem to have no clue about how to start.”

“Wh-what? That obvious, huh?” he said, disgruntled. “Uh well – right…” He took a deep breath. “Earlier today you said something that I can’t get out of my head and as much as I hope I jumped on the wrong conclusion I would like you to tell me what you insinuated.” He felt her muscles strain and breath become uneven.

“I… what did I say?” she asked quietly.

“You referred to yourself as damaged goods,” he whispered, voice low but clear.

“Nothing to elaborate.”

“I disagree.”

“I don’t care.”

“But I do.”

“Not my problem.”

“Considering your recent behaviour it _is_ your problem.”

“Fine. My problem – none of your business.”

“It is my business. That is ever since you tried to destroy my club and hurt one of my bartenders after storming out of my bedroom, accusing me of not sleeping with you because you’d be a burden to me. And even before that – I wanted it to be my business. I want to help and to understand.”

Oh no. No, no, no, no! God no! She didn’t do that, did she? Embarrassment made her bile rise and chest clench. She needed to focus on settling her stomach, otherwise she was going to vomit on the tall man. She felt his arm on her back rubbing soothing circles and massaging her clenched muscles.

“Relax. Breathe with me. In – and out. In – and out. Now that’s better.” He felt his shirt become wet – she must be crying.

“Lucifer… I wouldn’t even know where to start. I don’t want to – can’t – reopen old sores. I can’t lose my sanity over things that happened almost 30 years ago. I’m a mother, I need to take care of my daughter, I have a demanding yet dangerous job that I love and I’m divorcing my ex-husband who was demoted because he was associated with a dirty cop. I’m not over the lies and abandonment that were caused by the Palmetto case. I need to pull myself together.”

“You, Detective, deserve to find closure from whatever happened to you. You are selfless to a nauseating degree… You always put your daughter first, even though the ungrateful urchin does nothing to contribute to the rent. I know every crime scene breaks your heart, even though you’d never admit it but I can’t have you suffer personally from cases like the one we had three days ago. You are trying to deal with it in a very unhealthy way and I fear if you continue to distract yourself by drinking and being promiscuous it will be no different to actually cutting yourself.”

He knew about that, too? Jesus Christ, what else had she told him? Images of Lucifer reading a manuscript right here in this room flashed up in her mind. It was a novel in a different language, wasn’t it? The memories of him reciting a poem – Zarathustra’s roundelay if she remembered right – and the subsequent argument that followed when she accused him of setting up the moment so she would spill the beans came rushing back. Her fractious behaviour and the way she approached her partner left her mortified. He didn’t deserve to be treated like that. Not from anybody, and especially not from her! Why was he still so concerned about her well-being? He was such a good man. Way too good for her, she thought sadly.

 

“Lost in thoughts, again?” he asked after a while when she didn’t respond to what he had just said to her.

“Hmm… I’m trying to figure out why you are so obsessed with helping me despite how I’ve been treating you.”

He chuckled. “Ah, do not fret, Love. I know when people try to protect themselves and therefor act out. Also I discern between good and evil. You are special, you don’t mean harm – unless to yourself – and you deserve the best in your life. Now would you _please_ clue me in and let me share your troubles?”

She sighed. There was nothing she could counter. He seemed to be genuinely eager to help her. Maybe he was right? Getting her sorrows off her chest may be overdue and although he himself has unstable tendencies he could probably deal with it. And if not, well, he still had a shrink to talk to…

“Do you remember the day my mom decided to come to town and use Trixie for one of her auditions?” she asked him.

“You mean the day your spawn decided to show up at my club dressed like a drag queen?”

“Well – yeah… God, I was so angry with my mother. I couldn’t believe she would do that to her own grand-child, not after all what I’ve been through because of her. Mind you, she never believed me anyway. Always thought I would make up stories so she wouldn’t take the jobs and stay with Dad and me.”

“I suppose that’s where she was wrong?” he tried to encourage her to keep talking.

“Oh, so so wrong. Did you know that I was the reason she got most of her roles? If it hadn’t been for me the producers would have chosen other, more talented actresses,” she said bitterly.

“How come you had such an impact on your mother’s career?” he wondered. He could practically hear her brain cells work, fumbling for words but nothing came out of her mouth. Then he heard her say something, and it was almost too quiet even for his celestial hearing.

“I was one of the kids who were always available,” she stated and relapsed into silence.

Lucifer frowned. Available? To whom? What for?  He didn’t dare to disturb her train of thoughts so he waited patiently until she felt ready to continue.

 

“With Dad working so much I was often on sets with mom. Always before I started school and later during school vacations. She dragged me around the country like a puppet. Usually kids are not welcome on sets but I was. Mom was flattered and proud of me. I had caregivers who looked after me when mom was shooting. Sometimes they took me for multi-day trips. They said I should see some more of the country and it wouldn’t be as boring as on set. I did get to see a lot of things. But most of it was what a 5-year-old should never have to witness…”

Lucifer felt her holding onto him tighter, her fingernails digging into his flesh. He embraced her, his head resting on top of hers. He couldn’t see her face but he was sure she was on the verge of zoning out again. “Shhhh… stay with me, Chloe. You are safe.”

He heard restrained whimpers, then the woman in his arms began to shift restlessly as if she was trying to escape his hugs. He pulled away, trying not to startle her with his movements. She pushed herself away from him; having another body lie beside her was too much. Lucifer tried to catch her gaze. She had a haunted look on her face, her eyes scanned the room unfocusedly. Her breathing was shallow and Lucifer feared she would pass out. He called her name several times but she didn’t seem to hear him. She flung her hands around herself; she trembled and sobbed and Lucifer expected she was going to throw up. He grabbed the blanket and held it in front of her face, right before a torrent of bile gushed out of her mouth.

“Let it all out,” he tried to soothe her. With one hand he held her hair back while the other one still held the blanket. When her fit of vomit receded he got up, taking the blanket with him and throwing it in his trashcan. He pulled a cold bottle of water out of his fridge, grabbed two towels and a bucket from his bathroom cabinet and took the silk duvet from his bed. Back in his study, he handed Chloe the bottled water and one of the towels. He put the bucket and the other towel next to her on the floor. She tried to avoid his gaze which made him chuckle.

“No need to feel embarrassed, Detective,” he said. “Look at me, please.”

It wasn’t an order though Chloe didn’t want to disobey nonetheless. Her blue sad eyes met his dark brown orbs. The crackling fire in the chimney reflected in them, causing them to look reddish. He blinked and the illusion vanished. He cleared his throat. “Sorry, I… got carried away. Uh – would you like to tell me more or do you need a break?” She shook her head.

“No. If… I… I don’t think I can do that again so just let me get over it. If you are alright with it,” she sounded unconfident.

“Of course, I am. Take as much time as you need. I’m all yours.” He needed to remember not to let himself get carried away from what she was about to reveal to him. A moment ago she could see his devilish eyes and as much as he wanted her to believe him now was not the time to get into that topic. Fortunately, her unbelieving mind tricked her into thinking she just had seen the burning fire illuminating his eyes. He waited for her to settle back down on the bean bag but she stayed a few feet away. It hurt that she couldn’t even be close to him right now but he had to accept that. It’s not like he didn’t know how it was being forced into hugs and closeness. Her own spawn constantly overstepped his boundaries.

She slumped down in front of the fireplace and started poking the red-hot logs with an iron rod, causing sparks to flow around. Lucifer nestled himself back on one of the bean bags and waited for her to continue.

“In the beginning I loved my carers. They made me feel special and took me to places neither mom nor dad would ever have had time to go with me. They spent more time with me than my parents. They told me more than once that we had a special bond. The summer before I started elementary school was particularly busy for my mom. She had a tight schedule so they asked her if it was okay for them to take me to a summer camp. It was for kids like me, they said. Kids that could become big in the film business. Needless to say mom was delighted. So I went to summer camp. It was nothing what I thought a summer camp would be like. You know, sleeping in tents, having s’mores at the campfire, splash fights, stuff like that. We were only five kids, all around my age. And all of them had their very own caregivers, just like me. Always a male and a female. The camp was in a big house, big enough for everyone to have their own room. The first couple of days were awesome. They let us play together, they didn’t care about bedtimes and we could eat anything we want. We could ask for pizza and ice cream in the middle of the night and they allowed us to have it.

                Then, one night my two carers took me to their room to watch a movie. It was a movie about friendship and love and special bonds between adults and children. They asked me what I thought about the movie. It was a little confusing but they made me feel special and so we were having a special bond, right? So I said I liked it. They wanted to know if I loved them. Well, of course I did! They looked after me, took me to places, spend more time with me than my parents, let me eat all sorts of junk food – they were like the coolest older siblings you could have. That’s what it felt like to me.” She trailed off, now furiously stabbing the logs. Sparks flew everywhere. Lucifer got up and gently took the rod out of her hands.

“You are going to burn yourself…” he said softly.

 

Another several minutes passed and they just sat there in silence. Eventually, Lucifer asked, “What happened next?”

“I… how much do you need to know?” Chloe asked and finally turned around to look in his eyes. She had this troubled and haunted shadow on her face.

“However much you are comfortable revealing.”

She took a deep breath, then continued. “They said they were happy that I felt like they did. They told me there were things people did when they loved each other and it would deepen that special bond. People wouldn’t talk about it though, because it was something special between those they loved and therefore it should be kept as a secret. Something you only shared with your loved ones.”

Chloe’s terrified look gave him a chill that crept through his bones and he needed to take a few deep breaths. He struggled to contain his earthly looks. He closed his eyes because he wasn’t sure if the Hellfire was visible in his pupils.

“Did they touch you?” he asked with a croaky voice.

“Yeah… not so much that night. But that was the beginning of years and years of… you know… nothing a child could ever understand…”

“How far did they go?” Lucifer needed to know.

“There isn’t much I haven’t done sexually,” she said vaguely, and the bitterness in her voice felt like glass shards that ripped Lucifer’s heart apart.

He felt a prickling sensation behind his eyes. He hadn’t cried in a long time, not ever since his Fall but now he felt so sorry for the Detective, that he hadn’t been able to rescue her, to spare her a traumatised life, to punish whoever had dared to lay a hand on her. And, oh, he was so angry with his Father. Why would He let happen such atrocities? His tears fell down, he tried to hide them because he was supposed to be there for Chloe and not show her the impuissance he felt inside. He should be the strong one.

“Lucifer – I… I’m sorry to have upset you! I didn’t mean to cause any trouble,” she exclaimed in shock when she noticed his emotional disturbance.

“No, don’t apologize. I am sorry for being such a cissy. I’m sorry for everything that happened to you. I’m sorry for not protecting you. I’m sorry – I…”

“Whoa, Lucifer, stop! It was not your fault. There is nothing – I repeat – NOTHING you need to feel sorry for. There is nothing you could have done to prevent what happened.”

“Yes, I could have! I know someone who should have known!” he felt rage burning through his veins.

“Lucifer, please, stop! Would you please calm down? You are scaring me.”

He blinked in surprise. Oh no, he didn’t mean to scare the Detective. She was right, he needed to maintain composure. He drew out a breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding.

“Yes, yes. You are right. I’m sorry for my outburst.”

Chloe crawled away from the fireplace and settled into his side. “Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for caring so much. Thank you for being there for me.”

He squeezed her upper arm and draped the silk duvet around them. “Anytime, Detective.”

 

They laid in front of the slowly burning out fireplace, both reeling in their own thoughts. After a long pause, Lucifer asked, “Are they still alive?” He felt Chloe tense and the death grip of her hands left marks on his skin. She nodded. “Tell me their names,” he demanded.

“No!” She answered in a definite manner, shaking her head reluctantly.

“Chloe, I need to know!”

“No, you don’t!”

“They need to be punished.”

“Missed the chance. It was 30 years ago, Lucifer. It’s way past the statute of limitations.”

“I wasn’t going to go the official, bureaucratic way.”

“I know.”

“Well, what’s the problem, then?”

“That I don’t want to have to arrest you for things that happened to me, Lucifer. And the way you are acting right now, I fear that would be very possible.”

“There’s nothing wrong with proper punishment,” he grumbled.

“There is, if that meant I would have to lock you up. I need you right here, right beside me, and not somewhere in a prison cell. Now please, drop it already. And let me cuddle up with you. Those conversations always leave me exhausted to the bones…” She trailed off and bit her lip. She looked up at him shyly. “Would… would you mind if I fell asleep on you?”

“It would be a pleasure to have you fall asleep on me. In this context, that is. Once we do the naughty I would be deeply hurt if you fell asleep on me then,” he beamed at her. “Ouch!” She had hit him again.

“So you’re saying – not that I would ever go there with you – but… you’re saying that you don’t see me as damaged goods not worth for – such things?”

He was shocked that she had such thoughts running through her mind. “Detective, of course not! Do not ever talk about yourself like that again. You are a very special person, you have been through so much in your life and still you managed to turn out perfectly sane, you got your life straight. And you have the audacity to calm me down and stop me from hurting the people who did abhorrent things to you because you don’t want me to go to prison for you. I promise you, there are other, worse places I would go for you. But for now, I will be right here, for you to fall asleep on me. I will protect you from any nightmares that may come up. I promise.” He smiled down on her, the now more relaxed expression on her face filling his heart with a warm sensation.

_Thank you_ , she mouthed, then laid her head back on his chest. Within minutes her breathing slowed down and became more relaxed. He held her tightly. If he still had his wings he would have spread them around them so nothing could get between her and him… For the first time ever since he had made Maze cut them off he felt a sting when he thought about his wings. His beautiful, white wings, soft and shiny and perfect to protect the woman in his arms…


	7. Chapter 7

Lucifer woke from his dose as soon as he felt Chloe stir in his arms. Her sleep had been surprisingly sound, she had only woken up twice and as soon as she had realised she was in Lucifer’s arms and nothing could happen to her she went back to sleep. He gently stroke her back and combed through her hair but it didn’t make her feel uncomfortable. Strange, as Dan could never touch her after flashbacks and they had been married – also Lucifer was the most carnal being walking on Earth but she didn’t feel intimidated by his presence. Every time she woke he was already awake, whispering sweet nothings in her ear, telling her she was safe and he would be there to protect her.

Did he ever sleep? And who was there to protect him? He must have needed someone when he was young, too, and like for her, no one had been there. Is that why he so desperately tried to depict himself as the Devil? The outcast, the lonely Fallen Angel, avoided by his family who claimed to be good and him to be the evil counterpart? What was his father like? Lucifer still seemed to think highly of him, since he kept referring to him as God. With all the abandonment he must have experienced in his upbringing he still turned out to be a very good, caring man. He had been there for her the whole time although she was awful to him, deliberately, just to hurt him and scare him off. But he stayed. She would do the same for him, and when she remembered the day he tried to get himself shot she felt tears prickle in her eyes. She had been so mean to him! His actions were a cry for help, and she knew exactly what he had tried to do when he told her she would never understand and he couldn’t ever talk to her about it because she wouldn’t believe him anyway – and she had done exactly what he wanted her to do: turn away from him.

“What’s in your mind, Love?” she heard him ask, tearing her from her trail of thoughts.

“Wh-what? Huh? Oh… n-nothing…” She blushed, she knew she was busted. He seemed to find out every lie someone told him and even though she didn’t fall for his mind tricks he could read her like a book. When it’s about truth or lie, that is. Sometimes he was so oblivious to emotions it was almost hilarious. But then she remembered why he seemed to never have learned to read or express emotions – his upbringing must have been horrifying…

“Ah, ah. Don’t lie to me, please. Something is bothering you, I can see and sense it.”

“It’s nothing, really… Not about what I told you, anyway…” She trailed off. She didn’t want to admit that he had been on her mind for quite a while – in fact, the last days were either flashbacks or thinking about the tall man, her partner, best friend, maybe more at some stage? Her eyes opened wide at the understanding that she was doing it again – thinking there could be more between them.

“Hmm… if you insist… So, are you hungry? Shall we get up and have some breakfast?”

“Sounds good.” Chloe thought for a moment, then asked him with panic in her voice, “Shit – Lucifer, what time is it?? You let me sleep way too long, didn’t you? Oooh no, I need to get to the station. Don’t worry about breakfast, I’ll grab something on my way!” She jumped up, almost tripping over the bucket that Lucifer had put beside her the previous night, and was about to bolt out of the room when she felt his hand pull her back down.

“Relax, Chloe. You have the day off. I took the liberty to sort everything out while you were asleep. You have an extended weekend, your spawn will be at a sleepover party tonight and Maze will drop off some of your personal belongings later today. In case you would like to stay, but of course, I would understand if you wanted to go home and –“

He couldn’t finish his sentence because Chloe lunged for him and gave him a bear hug that was so tight he thought he would suffocate if she kept hanging on to him. _Uuunghpffhhh_ , was the only sound he could manage to get out.

“Thank you,” he heard her say against his collarbone. Her eyelashes tickled him.

“That is hardly worth mentioning, Love,” he said, perplexed as to why this seemed to be such a big deal to her.

“No, Lucifer, you do so much for me, more than anyone else has ever done for me…”

“Surely Daniel was there for you?” he asked, bewildered.

“Well, uh… as much as he could with his limited knowledge,” she allowed.

“Hang on – are you saying you never told your former husband what happened to you?” His eyes were as large as plates. “But – but he knew about your self-injurious behaviour?” he stuttered.

“Well it’s not like I could hide the scars from my own husband, you know… But yeah… I never told him.”

Lucifer gaped at her. “But… why? I mean he _is_ a douche, but you were married, and – well, if your spawn really is your own and not adopted you, uh, you would eventually have had to have… _sex_ to conceive?!” Why was it suddenly so awkward to talk about the most pleasurable thing in life with her?

“I didn’t want to startle him any more than I already had. The day he found out about the cutting he had a breakdown. He couldn’t even deal with that so I decided against telling him more.”

He was dumbfounded. “I have never met such an altruistic individual like you before, Chloe Decker. After all what you have been through you are still more concerned about others than yourself. Do tell, how can I make sure that you start looking after yourself?”

“Lucifer – I don’t need to look after myself. I am alright. Please stop making such a fuss. I don’t want you to treat me differently now.”

“Oh, don’t you worry about that. You will still have to deal with all my Luciferness.” He wiggled his eyebrows and grinned charmingly. “But from now on, I will also be your guardian Devil. Not that I haven’t screened you before and not that you would ever need it, but better safe than sorry, right?”

She rolled her eyes. “If you insist. It’s not like you would stop it even if I told you to do so…”

“Right you are, Love,” he beamed at her. “Now that this has been settled, would you mind getting up to have something to eat? I do feel a little sore in my back and I would love to get up and stretch.”

She stood up, held out a hand and pulled the tall man on his feet. She heard his spine crack and he sighed in relief. “Aaah, much better already.”

She should have known that the position they slept in must have been a lot more uncomfortable for an almost 2-metre-man than for her. She felt miserable for causing him pain. She should probably give him a back massage…

“Why are you staring at me, Detective?” he asked wary.

“Nothing for your concern,” she tried to cut him short but he only smirked knowingly.

“Wash that sneer off your face,” she reprimanded him.

………

 

 

“Would it be alright if I left you alone for a couple of hours? I haven’t put in an appearance in the club for some time now and I would like to discuss some things with my staff…” Lucifer asked Chloe when they had finished the breakfast he had made. Chloe had dug in more than he expected, but his buttermilk pancakes with blueberries, maple syrup and cream were sinfully delicious, even she had to admit that.

“No, not at all. I’m sorry if I kept you from your usual work schedule. How do you do that, anyway? All the police work, the club, me…?!”

“I managed to develop good time management through the years,” he shrugged. “Make yourself at home while I’m not here and if anything happens, I’ll be downstairs so do not hesitate to look after me, alright?” He waited for her to nod in agreement. Then he got up, took the tableware in the kitchen and hurried in his bathroom for a shower. When he returned he was dressed up to the nines, wearing a dark blue three-piece-suit with a devilish-red pocket square and a white button-down shirt. While he put on his cufflinks he looked at his guest in earnest and said, “Is there anything else I can do for you before I leave?”

“No,” she shook her head. “I’ll run myself a bath and relax a bit, if that is alright with you?”

“Well it would be more alright if you waited for me to return, and then – ouch! Yes – yes, it is alright with me.” Oh he loved the banter, and she did, too, not being able to maintain a solemn face. She looked at him in content, seemingly happy that he didn’t stop his inappropriate commentaries after what she had revealed to him.

………

 

 

When he returned three hours later, packed with files and letters, he found Chloe asleep on his couch. She wore his hideous lounge wear and still managed to look ravishing in them. Aaah, he needed to stop thinking about her in that kind of way. Couldn’t she be a little less attractive? If he ever had the chance to talk to his Father face to face again he would tell the man what he thought of His unequal distribution of attractiveness and unattractiveness. Some humans just were so hot and others – well, just from their looks they deserved to go to Heaven as reparation….

He was glad to see her asleep, although she didn’t seem to be as relaxed as she was the previous night when she had used him as comforter. He took off his suit jacket and draped it over her. She pulled it closer to her and sniffled at the familiar scent.

“…ucifer…,” she mumbled in her sleep. How can she be so cute?

At the realisation that he, the Devil, just found himself thinking about _cuteness_ he shook himself and strode to his bar. He needed a manly, uncute whiskey, right out of the bottle. What was wrong with the Detective, turning him into a soddy lunatic?

He let her sleep and took the paperwork with him to his desk in his study. Better get working, for he didn’t intend the Detective to find out he was actually capable of doing boring paperwork and, more importantly, he wanted to have time for her when she woke up. Maybe she felt like having a swim in his outdoor whirlpool on the balcony later? He was looking forward to soak in the hot water. His back still hurt and his muscles were stiff and tense. He didn’t like this kind of pain and he was sure it was caused by the Detective’s presence. He wouldn’t mind her to cause him other, more pleasurable pain but he doubted she would be into that kind of stuff… Although she seemed to thrive from his occasional pains, that minx.

He suddenly felt a hand on his neck, which had him jump like a cat on a hot tin roof. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he hadn’t even heard her get up and walk around him.

“Bloody Hell, Detective, are you trying to give me a heart attack?” he scolded her.

“Did I startle you?” she asked him with an innocent face.

“Of course not. The Devil does not get startled!” he chafed.

“But apparently the Devil does know how to do paperwork?” she observed with surprise, looking over his shoulder.

“Of course I know! I simply choose not to do them when I don’t have to. And as you are a very capable, hard-working Detective you don’t need my help on your paperwork,” he sweet-talked.

“Don’t you have an accountant? I would have guessed there would be one or another who owed you a favour,” she teased him.

“Oh, I do. But it’s almost end of the quarter and I always do the final checking on the books. I tend to be a bit more experienced and thorough than my legal team and ever since you decided your ex-husband should rummage through our book keeping, Internal Revenue Service started monitoring us a little closer.”

Chloe bit on her lip. “Sorry about that. Didn’t expect that little stunt to become so inconvenient…”

He waved her off. “Nah, it’s alright. Can’t blame you for doing your job properly, can I?”

“Hey – what… what are you doing?” Lucifer gaped at Chloe when he felt her hands move around his sore muscles on his neck.

“Trying to give a little back. I know last night must have been a pain in the ass for you and still you didn’t complain or got up to sleep in your bed. While I’m grateful I also feel guilty about it. Sooo I thought, maybe a massage would help?” She suddenly sounded uncertain, mostly because his startled look still hadn’t worn off and it was nothing like Lucifer to not like physical contact if he could turn it into a sexual innuendo.

“Uh, but you still don’t have to do this,” he stammered.

“I know. Now close your eyes and relax.”

“Well, if you insist,” he sighed.

Her hands did wonders to his neck. She moved her hands to his collarbones and started to work on his shoulder muscles. Then she trailed down his spine, putting pressure with her thumbs on every lump she could feel through his shirt. She moved on to his external oblique muscles and loosened the knots in them with circular motions.

“Why, Detective, I never would have guessed you’d give such good massages,” he moaned.

“There are still a lot of things you don’t know about me…”

“Is that a challenge?” he grinned in delight.

“No. NO! Now if you don’t want me to stop you need to keep your mouth shut,” she lessoned and poked his fasciae.

During the next few minutes Lucifer got more and more relaxed while Chloe kept working on his muscles. She avoided the parts of his back where he had his scars, which he was grateful for. He never had anyone let him give a massage, it was always the other way round. He could have ordered Maze to do it but he would rather have gone back to Heaven and be tossed out again. She was just too _Maze_ for such a request…

 

“Lucifer? Decker?” They both jumped when they heard someone yell through the penthouse. They separated right before Maze went into his study. “Ooooh, did I interrupt something?” she asked with shining eyes. “About time! It does get quite hard to share a flat with someone who never gets laid,” she added theatrically.

“We didn’t –“ and “I DO get laid” were the stutters they replied, both annoyed by the unwelcome intruder.

“Ha! I see you haven’t _yet_ , and no _you_ don’t get laid. Maybe in your dreams but that doesn’t count, does it?” she snickered.

“Mazikeen,” Lucifer warned, suddenly feeling very protective of Chloe. Maze didn’t know what she was digging into and he wasn’t going to give her the opportunity for Chloe to feel bad about herself. Luckily, Chloe was still behind him so she didn’t see his glowing eyes. Maze, however, understood the warning, and bowed. “As you wish.” She turned around and tossed a duffle bag on the floor. “Anything else you wish me to do?” she asked the Devil.

“Actually, yes. I need to have a word with you.” He looked at Chloe, then got up and dragged Maze outside. “I’ll be back in a minute. Why don’t you unpack while Mazikeen and I have a chat?”

She understood that Lucifer wanted to talk to her roommate in private. Was he going to give Maze the lowdown on what she revealed to him the night before? No, he wouldn’t do that, would he? She trusted him and she asked him to not tell anybody. But then again, Maze wasn’t anybody for him. Chloe still didn’t understand their relationship but she seemed to be very important to him although both were on a collision course from time to time. Sighing, she grabbed the bag and walked towards the guest room she currently stayed in.

 

“Right, what is it now? You know I don’t work for you anymore,” Maze told him in annoyance.

“You don’t work for me as a _bartender_ anymore,” he corrected her. “Thus nothing else has changed. I need you to find someone.”

The serious tone in his voice rekindled her demon instincts.

“Count me in!” she said, without hesitation even before he started to explain who he was looking for.

………

 

Lucifer poured himself a generous glass of whiskey after Maze had left. He knew when Chloe found out he was looking for the creeps who traumatised her she would be furious. He wasn’t going to lie to her, but he wouldn’t volunteer information about his enquiry to Maze, either. He hadn’t broken his promise to not reveal her secret – unnecessary when it came to Maze – but the Detective was just too engrossed in the flawed human legal system to be fond of his doings.

“Everything settled?” Chloe asked when she joined him at his bar.

“For now, yes.” His terse answer made it clear that he wouldn’t further elaborate what he had to discuss with her roommate. It wasn’t any of her business, anyway. She aimed for his whiskey glass and downed half of it. Lucifer looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“Are you sure you should be drinking?” he asked.

“Really, Lucifer?” She sounded like a reluctant teenager, and although he didn’t approve of her recent drinking behaviour he had to smile when she downed the rest of his glass. She was as rebellious as him…

“I can’t prohibit you from drinking but I can encourage you to find other coping mechanisms, can’t I?” he offered.

“Because that is exactly what you do?”

“As I said – no need for you to go down the same path.”

“Alas! And what would you suggest?”

“Distract yourself. Exercise, learn new things, read, watch movies, whatever suits you…”

“Is that how you aced the piano and learned other languages?” she challenged.

“No, I was gifted with speaking all languages on Earth. Would be difficult to punish people if I didn’t understand them, don’t you think? And for the piano… well, that was a little project I started when Bartolomeo Cristofori knocked on my gates.”

“Who?”

“An Italian musical instrument maker. Lived in the 17th century and designed the first piano as we know them today.”

Chloe stared at him. There he was again, playing this immortal Devil persona again. “Riiiight…,” is all that she said to his remark. Would he ever be able to accept himself as a decent, not evil man that was nothing like the Devil? Realising that she must have been darting sad glances at him, she harrumphed and tried to think of what to say.

“No need to figure out what helps you straight away. But think about it, please. Meanwhile, are you keen on joining me in the hot pool? I told Maze to also pack your bathing clothes,” he said, having a hard time not to finish with _not that I would rather have you not wearing them at all_ …

“That’s very thoughtful of you,” she smiled. “Yes, I would like to relax in your hot tub.”


	8. Chapter 8

Chloe paced up and down her room, agitated and angry at herself. How dumb to agree on having a swim! Clearly he wanted to see her scars. Such a manipulative bastard! And she was decent enough to not touch his when she massaged him earlier today. Why was it that he could overstep everyone’s limits but no one did it to him? She wouldn’t let him do it again, no, not this time! She needed to get out, having her flat all to herself sounded so much better than staying with him. She opened the door as quietly as possible and sneaked through the lounge area to the elevator.

 

“Trying to run from something?” she heard Lucifer’s voice behind her. She turned around and saw him leaning against his bar. He already wore black swim shorts that perfectly highlighted his firm, muscular… She sighed. No, not those thoughts again!

“Enjoying the view, are we?” he smirked when he followed her eyes.

“Yes… Ah, NO! … Lucifer, this was a bad idea. Really, I should leave…”

“That would be a shame. Alas, if you want to leave I’ll accept it. I will insist on driving you, though. But before I would like to know what’s changed your mind so quickly?”

She bit her lip. His genuinely interested look gave her a hard time staying angry with him. Had she again falsely accused him of beguiling her? She stared on the floor in embarrassment. When he noticed the dash of sadness in her emotions it dawned on him.

“You don’t want me to see them, do you?” he asked. She shook her head, not daring to look up because she didn’t want him to see the tears in her eyes.

“Well, would it help if I told you that I’m not going to stare and try to touch them like you did when you saw mine?”

Her head shot up at his remark. Oh my, what had she been thinking that day? The distraught and insecure look on his face had been heart-breaking and must have opened some old wounds.

“I… I’m sorry about that,” she stuttered. “I don’t know what got into me…”

“Don’t be upset, Darling. I presume you were just curious? That is something I like about human nature, even if it backfires sometimes,” he grinned. “Now, since I made you aware of your own indiscreetness are you still going to hide from me?”

 

Fifteen minutes later she was settled in the outdoor pool, sipping on a non-alcoholic, fruity cocktail Lucifer had made while she finally changed into her bikini. They floundered about in the water, enjoying the warm water and the pleasant silence. Both seemed to reel on thoughts but this time it was not as awkward as in the previous night when he wanted her to open up to him and she didn’t know how to start. It was a strange feeling now, though. For her, everything had changed. But at the same time, Lucifer hadn’t changed at all. So nothing had changed in the end, had it?

 

“You know, my therapist would be proud of me right now,” he stated after another ten minutes in silence.

“Huh?”

“You see, she thinks I’m a dead loss when it comes to read emotions. But in the last couple of minutes I’ve been watching you and I think I got the gist of it.”

“Uh, right… I’m not sure I like your sudden clarity on feelings…,” she replied.

“By no means! Appreciate my whole Luciferness with a tad more insightfulness.”

Chloe snorted. “Alright, I’ll bite. Tell me what I’m feeling.”

“You seem to be a lot more relaxed than the last couple of days. I reckon it is because you finally found someone who you could confess your secrets to, but you feared it would change everything and I would turn away from you. But nothing really has changed, has it? So you are content with the outcome. But this also means you can’t keep hiding, at least not from me, and this worries you. Because you don’t know if I would ever use my knowledge against you. Which I will not ever, you need to believe me, but I know the dread…”

“Wh-… How… When… Did – did you just have an epiphany?” she asked in disbelief. She would never have expected him to actually be able to outline her fears – and he did it spot-on!

“Let’s just say I experienced the exact same things when Linda and I had a breakthrough not long ago.”

Chloe was curious on what they could have been working through to leave Lucifer in such an emotional state that he actually was able to reflect those feelings on others. But she also had to accept that it was none of her business what happened during their sessions.

“I would tell you if you believed me, but given that you still think I’m delusional there’s no point in convincing you, is there?” And since when had he been able to read her thoughts?

“So you are telling me that your shrink believes your _Devil thing_?”

“Well, I made her believe. She went bananas for a week after that but finally she realised that it’s all me and that I haven’t been lying, neither to others nor to myself.”

“How would you make a down-to-earth, very sophisticated and reputable high-class therapist make you believe you are the actual Devil?”

“I showed her…”

“You showed her what?”

“Chloe, I don’t think this is the kind of conversation we should be having right now…”

“Stop stonewalling!”

“I don’t. I just don’t think this is the right time… I doubt there will ever be the right time but well, Linda and I are a long way from each other on this topic…” He sighed in desperation and Chloe felt awkward for trying to pressure him into telling her things he wasn’t ready for. He hadn’t done that with her and he was alright with the little bits and pieces she offered. She decided to drop the subject and instead started to splash the tall man with water.

“You are going to regret that, you little minx!” was all he said before he grabbed her on her waist and pushed her under the water. He let her go, then dove underneath her and pushed her out of the water. She shrieked in delight and tried to pay him back, but he was too quick.

“Don’t start a fight you can’t handle, Love,” he chuckled. Then he swam towards her and brushed a wet strain behind her ear. “I’m happy to see you laughing again,” he said in earnest.

“Me too,” she whispered and drew him closer. They just stood there in the water, entangled in each other’s arms, her head resting on his chest. The steady and calm beating of his heart soothed her and she soon started to caress his back. She noticed that he became stiff as a pole and looked up in his face. She smiled at his confused gaze.

“I’m not trying to seduce you, Lucifer. I just feel like showing you the appreciation you deserve. This is not going to lead to sex!”

“Right – if it wasn’t for you I would find this quite a strange thing to say to me. I mean, we are cuddling in my pool, and you tell me this is not going to end up in the bed sheets?” he asked incredulously.

“Not everything needs to be about sex, you know? There are other ways to show you care…”

“There are?” he seemed to be genuinely surprised.

“Why, yes, silly!” she exclaimed.

“I wouldn’t have known…,” he said, bleak. She stared at him. “Really? And what was that what you did for me yesterday?”

“What do you mean?”

She pinched the bridge of her nose. How can someone be so oblivious to their own good deeds? If he didn’t even see the caring things he did how was he ever going to get past his _I’m Evil Incarnate, the Devil himself_ persona? She needed to help him see his good sides!

“Lucifer, you have been there for me for the last half week or so, despite me being an egoistic, maniac and insulting pisshead. I stole your car to get away from you, I lied about you when Dan asked me where you were, I destroyed half your club and if I remember right your grand piano also got a share, I hurt one of your bartenders, puked over you and you still kept me by your side. Not only that, you let me dump all my problems upon you. All this, although you have been through so much yourself – and don’t say otherwise, I know you must have had a difficult upbringing – do you understand how much this means to me? How much _you_ mean to me?”

He swallowed and stared at her, dumbfounded. “I wouldn’t have known…,” he said again.

“Oh, Lucifer…” She grasped him tightly. “How can I help you to see the good things in yourself?”

“Do not worry about me, Detective. You have already made me a better person. All that matters to me right now is to get you back on track. I like working with you, so I can’t have you locked up in the looney bin!” he teased her.

“Oh, you mean one nutcase between the two of us is enough?”

He squinted. “Consider yourself lucky to not be on my naughty list, Detective!”

………

 

 

“What’s wrong with mommy, Daddy?”

When Dan picked his daughter up from her sleepover party at noon he had already wondered when she would ask about her mother’s late disappearance. He should have called through and made sure Chloe was alright, but work had been busy, especially with Chloe on leave. LAPD was notoriously understaffed but he knew it was for the best that his ex-wife finally had taken some time off. She hated to omit working hours so he suspected Lucifer lead the charge. He never would have guessed that he and the obnoxiously handsome man would ever come to terms but recent developments taught him better.

“What makes you think there’s something wrong with her, monkey?” he asked his daughter in return.

“I haven’t seen her for two days and she let Maze drop me off and pick me up from school and she never does that! Says her driving is _not suitable for children_ and then she rolls her eyes. You know what I mean?” Dan chuckled. Of course he knew what she was saying. He wondered if Chloe’s eyes would one day reach deadlock with all the eye-rolling that comes with Maze as flatmate and Lucifer as work partner. “Anyway,” Trixie continued, “I forgot to tell mommy about the sleepover and then when I wanted to ask her she didn’t pick up her phone. Maze texted Lucifer and he said it would be okay for me to go. Not that I complain, but mommy didn’t even call back. And then, I get picked up from this party and it’s you, not her!”

Dan looked at his daughter in surprise. “Aren’t you happy to see me?” he asked with a hurtful tone in his voice.

“Of course, I am, Daddy,” she answered and, like her mother, rolled her eyes on him. “But I want to know if something is wrong.”

Dan sighed. The child’s power of observance was both a blessing and a curse. “She had a case this week which rattled her cage. She had a lot of things going on and she didn’t want to upset you. Chloe will be alright.”

“Hmm…” Trixie didn’t seem to be satisfied with his explanation. He couldn’t blame her but since he didn’t know himself what was going on he refrained from saying more. He tried to find a way to distract his daughter. He needed to buy some time to find out how Chloe was today before he either dropped Trixie off at her place or took her home again.

“What would you say about burgers for lunch today?” he asked her.

“Awesome! And chocolate cake for dessert?” He couldn’t withstand the shining eyes he saw when he looked in the rear-view mirror.

“Fine by me,” he succumbed. He shouldn’t spoil her rotten…

………

 

 

Lucifer heard his phone vibrate on his nightstand. He cautiously turned to grab it, not trying to wake the woman in his arms. It had been a rough night despite the light-hearted afternoon in his hot pool and the dinner he had made later in the evening. Chloe had insisted on sleeping in her bed so he could indulge in his own comfortable mattresses but it wasn’t long before she woke up from nightmares. He heard her cries and when he tried to wake her she fought him desperately and when she finally snapped out of her delirium it took ages to calm her down. She sobbed in his arms and if he hadn’t been quick enough to grab the bucket he had put beside the bed in precaution she would have vomited all over him. After a long and too hot shower she joined him in his bed, thankful that he let her talk out her nightmares.

Hearing about the flashbacks she had to deal with in her dreams left him sickened to the bone but he wanted – needed – to hear what she had gone through. Everything she told him made him even more ambitious to find whoever did this to his Detective, and he would make sure they were going to suffer dearly, alive and dead. It took hours for her to finally fall asleep, cuddled up against him like a spoon. He mounted guard over her all night, not sleeping a single second. He didn’t need it that much, anyway, instead he forged out his plans for the time when Maze would arrive with their prey.

 

When he unlocked his phone he saw that Dan had texted him: _Is Chloe still with you?_

_Yes_ , he texted back. _But still asleep. Do I need to wake her up?_

_Trixie misses her and she wants to know if everything is alright. We’re going out for lunch and dessert so no need to rush things now. Flick me a text when she wakes up. And take care of her!_

No need to keep telling me that, Douche, Lucifer thought in irritation.

 

“Who are you texting with?” he heard Chloe’s muffled sleepy voice beside him.

“Your Douche – Dan – asked if you were still here. I think he just picked Trixie up from her party. They’re out for lunch but I suppose you should get in touch with your offspring at some stage today…”

“Hmm yeah… I should go home today anyway and spend time with her.” She bit her lip. “I just don’t feel comfortable being alone with her right now. What if something like last night happens again?”

“Why don’t you spend time with her today and then let her stay at her father’s place? You can come back here if you don’t want to be alone?” he offered, saddened by her worries.

“I don’t know… I drew upon you for so long and I really don’t wanna be a burden…”

“You are not a burden and if I didn’t want your company I would tell you. Stop being so utterly self-conscious,” he reprimanded her.

“And you really wouldn’t mind?” she went on.

“Are you hearing impaired?” he asked unnerved.

………

 

 

Chloe left two hours later. She decided to go to the cinema with Trixie and Dan and then have a revival of their Taco Tuesday (only that it was Saturday). That gave Lucifer at least six hours on his own, leaving him enough time to sort things out that he needed to do without the Detective. Maze wasn’t heard from yet but he knew she would come to him immediately when she had news. He called Linda and sweet-talked her into a session although it was weekend. It would cost extra, she had said. As if he cared! She had stuff to do first so he had some time to finish his book keeping which he hadn’t done the day before.

When it was time to leave for his therapist he took a bottle of whiskey with him. He usually didn’t drink during their sessions but he needed something more comforting than plain, tasteless water that she offered her clients. Besides, he wasn’t going to get drunk anyway and he tried to not drink in front of Chloe until he was sure she could handle her alcohol consumption again.

“Put that bottle away!” Linda scolded him as soon as he opened it to pour himself a drink.

“Oh, come on, Doctor! I share if you like,” he grinned but the smile faded at his therapist’s rigid look. “ _Fine_. But you have no idea what you are demanding of me!”

“I know you can handle a lot more alcohol than the average human being. But bringing this here,” she pointed at the bottle, “is even unlikely for you. What has come over you?”

“Uh, it’s not that much what has come over _me_. But I may have a guest at home who doesn’t know how to handle alcohol, so I decided to indulge in it someplace else,” he said vaguely.

“So Chloe still stays with you? Since when have you had concerns about her drinking behaviour? I remember like it was yesterday that you forced her into a girl’s night out and have some fun with cocktails and stuff.”

“Yes, well… Things have changed…”

“Lucifer, I thought we were past pussyfooting around?”

“Only if it’s about myself. But this… this is about the Detective, and you need to help me understand.”

“Well - then shoot.”

He started to tell her about recent developments. It took him a while to outline everything for it was his Detective and he wanted it to sound as humane as possible and less humiliating, even though she didn’t hear what he was saying.

“…and now I wonder, do you think she will be alright?” he finished.

“That is – quite – a lot she has been through. I never would have guessed, she always seems so put together. If she has never had the help she needed she will have a long way to recovery. I have patients who haven’t started to deal with traumatic experiences in their childhood until they were in their forties and the longer they wait the harder it gets. Some seem to have forgotten until something triggered their memories, others always knew but suppressed their emotions. The way they cope with it is different from case to case, and that’s why it is hard to hand out guides about how to help or deal with it. Are you sure you can handle what’s ahead for her?”

“I beg your pardon?” Lucifer was outraged by her question. “Of course I can handle it! I doubt this will lead to anything I haven’t seen already.”

“Maybe… But it’s different if you personally care for the survivor.”

He thought about her words. In fact, everything Chloe had told him had hit him harder than he would ever have expected – than he would ever admit – but he was the Devil for goodness sake! He was used to evilness, he used to punish gruesomeness, and if he could help just one soul before it was too late he would do everything for it. That way he could also flip another bird at his Father.

“Count me in.”

“Alright. Then I want you to tell me what is most disturbing for you to witness.”

“The worst part are the nightmares. I don’t know if I’m actually helping or making it worse. Last night, for example, she wanted to sleep in her own bed but after a few minutes I heard her scream and whimper. So I checked on her. It took me I don’t know how long to wake her up and she kept hitting me. She tried to fight me as if I was one of them. And when she woke up she wouldn’t let go of me. I thought it would relax her to lay in my arms but after a couple of minutes she pukes…”

“Do you dream? I mean, have you ever had nightmares?” Linda asked out of the blue.

“What? Uh, never had nightmares when I was in Heaven but they came in Hell. Only in the beginning, though. I guess I learned to seal myself off the cruelties early on. But ever since I’ve been on Earth there have been occasional dreams, yes.”

“Right. I just wanted to know if you knew how dreams can feel like. You need to understand that for Chloe, the nightmares are very likely flashbacks of what has actually happened to her. It is hard for people to snap out of dreams and it gets even harder if they feel overpowered because what they dream was real at some stage in their lives. Many suffer from flashbacks when they are awake and I would think you have seen her in such a state as well?” He nodded. “Now I’m not one to peddle with diagnoses, but it seems to be some kind of dissociation. It happens a lot with people who suffer from posttraumatic stress. If you don’t know if you are helping or making it worse I suggest you sit her down and talk to her about it. The only one who can figure it out is herself, but be aware, she might not even be able to tell right away. Also, sometimes she may feel like one thing helps but on another occasion doing the exact same thing can make things worse.”

“Are you bloody serious? I thought you studied psychology so you can help me? This is not helpful at all! You are making me feel…,” he fumbled for words, “useless.”

“Many secondary survivors – that’s what we call relatives, friends and everyone else who is involved in a victim’s healing – feel that way, Lucifer. As I said, there is a long way ahead. You will experience normal days as if nothing had happened, then you will also witness moments of utter melancholy. It is also possible for survivors to redevelop patterns that helped them deal with it in the beginning but may not be helpful now that time has passed. Have you experienced anything like that?”

“Well… she drinks a lot more. Sometimes so much that she throws up and doesn’t remember much afterwards, but I’m not sure if that was alcohol-related or from the mental state she was in. Then there are moments where she acts all promiscuous and –“

“Have you given in???” Linda suddenly was very aware of the overly sexual man in front of her.

“Of course not! I may indulge in sex but only if it’s consensual by everyone who is involved. And her throwing herself upon me was so off-key even I noticed something wasn’t right. So would you stop accusing me of such horrendous things?”

“I’m sorry… This is not what I meant. I know you are still not the best in reading emotions and I thought maybe you would have misinterpreted things. Anyway – things like that are exactly what I was talking about. I guess there are also times when she can’t stand physical contact at all?”

He nodded again.

“This is all part of recovery. Some may feel they need to show they are able to have sex, others don’t care about it and still others think that what had happened to them is normal. Then the sensation of having others around seems to be too much. I know you can follow me on that one, you are not one to share physical contact apart from sex, either. What do you think why many abuse survivors keep getting in the same wrong environment time and again?”

“Because they don’t know better or they… they want to punish themselves?” he thought about the way he dealt with things and when he felt guilt for his brother’s death not so long ago.

“By all means.”

“This is a nightmare, Doctor!” Lucifer winced.

“I know. But I also know she can be lucky to have you by her side. You have seen a lot of things in your life, Lucifer, and what you have told me about Hell you can also empathise with those who suffered from abuse. Remember all the souls that went down because they didn’t have someone like you. You can make a difference!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning everyone (well, for me, it's morning - way too early for a Sunday YIKES!)
> 
> This was the second to last chapter so we are almost finished with the first part. I haven't started writing the second part for this series yet, and as I've outlined previously, as a non-native writer it takes some more time to write than I'd have expected.
> 
> Also, I have an exam tomorrow evening and I really shouldn't be linering around so the last chapter will be uploaded either Tuesday or Wednesday. Sorry for that, but I hope you all bear with me ;-)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,
> 
> thanks for your patience - and also for all the "get well"-wishes! I accidentally deleted the chapter instead of updating it, so all the comments are gone. It's a shame, I was going to thank all of you. Consider yourself addressed with this little note, please! :)
> 
> I'm still in hospital (there is usually no discharge during weekends except for private insured patients, which I'm not) but I'm already feeling a lot better and I got soooo bored that I made my fiancé drop my laptop off so I could finish this story!  
> I have new ideas popping up already, too! Unfortunately, they will have to wait for a little while - as I've mentioned before, it's exam period so I should be studying ;-)
> 
>  
> 
> As I mentioned in the first chapter I wasn't sure about the rating, so I didn't rate it. Maybe some of you can help me figure out to which audience this story is appropriate?
> 
> Also, I'm still looking for a beta - or someone who just randomly points out mistakes while reading ;-)
> 
> This story ends sort of abruptly, but as I said, I had so many plot bunnies popping up during the writing process that I decided to make a series out of it, so I hope this is not too inconvenient.
> 
> Thanks to all of you who stayed with me and my very first fanfiction story. It definitely is as exciting as I have been told (Antarctic_Echoes, are you still lingering around? :D that was you!)  
> I appreciate your comments, feedback, things you liked and you didn't like etc. (plot-wise, the way I divided chapters, vocabulary, whatever you can think of) - I live off concrit! :)

_She can be lucky to have you by her side. You can make a difference_. Linda’s words kept echoing in his head. She was right. He could damn well make a difference. Be it in Hell or on Earth. He would not abandon humanity like his Father; they deserved better and he would cater for it.

He was home well before Chloe so he decided to entertain the few guest who were already in his club on his piano. As much as he loved to care for the Detective, she also had taken a toll on him and it felt good to regain a little of his devil-may-care attitude. He was nonetheless happy when he felt her familiar touch on his shoulder, right when he finished The Clash’s “Rock the Casbah”.

“Hey, you,” she greeted him. “Having fun?”

“I wouldn’t be playing if it wasn’t fun. Shall I play another song?”

“I would rather withdraw from all these people here. But if you like you could play for me later when you come upstairs?”

“Later? Would you like to be alone? Do you want me to stay down here for a little longer?”

“Huh? No, if you want to join me upstairs it’s fine, it’s your home. I just thought you’d like to have some happier faces around you.”

“I like _your_ face.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Right…”

“Are you alright? You seem to be worried…”

“Not here, Lucifer, please.”

“Well then, let’s get going…” He pushed his piano bench back and linked arms with her. The club wasn’t packed at all but it was still too crowded for her. Concerning, as she would have to go back to work in less than 36 hours and he wasn’t sure she would be able to attend for duty by then.

 

“So how was your afternoon with your family?” he asked once they stepped out of his lift.

“Good. We went to see a movie Trixie had pestered us for weeks to go to so she was willing to condone my absence.”

“She bloody well should, ungrateful urchin wants you all to herself...,” he grumbled.

“Lucifer! Stop talking about my daughter like that! She likes you very much, you know. Although I do have to berate you. You are rubbing off on her and neither Dan nor I like that.”

“What’s wrong with being like me?” He was scandalised but Chloe’s stern look made him wonder if it was a good thing if an eight-year-old idolised him. “Fine, if my presence concerns you I happily oblige to keep away from her.” Was he finally getting away from the pestering earthling?

“Actually… I would like to ask you a favour.”

His eyes widened. “What kind of favour?” he asked nervously – how could the Detective make his favourite thing on Earth sound so unappealing?

“I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened to me and what I could have done to protect myself. Truth is, there is probably not much I could have done. I tried and no one believed me. But it got me thinking. I couldn’t live with the guilt if something like that happened to Trixie. Sometimes I think she is too open-minded to strangers but then again, those who did it to me weren’t strangers after all, right? I want her to be self-confident and that she learns to speak up if something should ever happen to her, regardless of who might be involved. So… do you think… would you and Maze be able to teach her to protect herself?” She rattled through her speech without drawing a breath once and when she had finished she felt her heart hammer. She knew it was a lot to ask from him.

“Maze and I will take care of it,” he said simply, taking her by surprise.

“Oh?”

“Yes?”

“Nothing. I just thought it would be too much to ask from you. I know you are not that fond of her…”

“I just don’t know how to deal with children. And those I had to deal with are – were – well, let me tell you I only met the worst. But yours is alright and I will make sure she will grow up protected and safe, and I will rub off as much as I can.”

“Oh God, what have I done?” Chloe howled.

“Detective, stop mentioning _Him_!”

………

 

 

Chloe didn’t bother to argue with Lucifer to try and let her sleep in his guest room that night. It was her last night before she had to go back home and as much as she hated to admit it, he was right – she needed one last soothing night and with him by her side she somehow managed to get at least some hours of nightmareless sleep.

She arranged with Dan that Trixie would spent the day with him at the zoo so she would have some time for herself before she had to put her maternal role back on. It also relieved the pressure for her to be up and ready in the morning in case she needed more sleep than expected.

Lucifer tried to keep the conversations light-hearted, but they somehow ended up talking about her scars. Trixie was a very observant child and therefore he suspected her to at least know about her mother’s self-injurious past. Turned out she indeed knew about the scars – but for her, they were markings of her grandmother’s evil Chihuahua, like the one on Chloe’s butt.

 

“Do you think I will ever have to tell her about what really happened?” she asked him after a few minutes in silence.

“I believe she will figure it out herself. You may have to sit her down and talk to her about it. You never know what brings life for her and it may help her understand others better,” he said honestly. “However, if you don’t feel like telling her about the other thing I don’t think you should. Even if she is your offspring, _she must understand boundaries_.”

Chloe chuckled. Clearly he was trying to make a point with the stress he put on the last words he said. “She is not that bad. You are just abnormally flinchy.”

“I am not flinchy!” he pouted.

“You so are! Only with kids, though. Why is that?” Chloe wondered.

“I told you already. Hideous creatures, terrible taxing burdens and not suitable for sex!”

“Hmm…,” she breathed out, lips pursed and staring into the distance.

“I’m sorry, Detective,” Lucifer suddenly realised what he had said. “I didn’t mean it like that. You know I would never lay a hand on a child, don’t you?”

“Hm? Oh… yeah, I know that,” she nodded. “I just wish it was as easy as you make it sound…”

“It bloody well should be!” he raged and shut his eyes when he felt the Hellfire burn in them. “No one ever said that free will means one can take whatever they want. Father should have narrowed it down and imposed a restriction, active immediately and not only when they die and end up in Hell.”

Not knowing what to reply to his religious nonsense, she remained silent and simply rolled her eyes. She caught herself thinking that it would actually be nice if there was a place like Hell where all the criminals were punished in the end, regardless whether or not they were brought to justice during their lifetime. How would she want Hell to be for the people who deprived her of her childhood? She was sure Lucifer had an explanation on how to properly punish sex offenders, he does take a lot of effort to convince everyone the Devil existed after all, but she wasn’t going to swap ideas with him on this particular topic. She would not take part in his delusions – she should discourage, not encourage this drama!

She sighed. He rubbed off to much on her. It was a good thing to go home tomorrow and allow herself some time alone to digest the events of the last days. It was good to finally have someone to confide in, but it was also scary and she felt her nerves were constantly on edge. This better not be persistent. She shouldn’t have gotten roped into spilling her guts out.

“Anything on your mind?” Lucifer asked when he noticed her breath become rapid and pulse quicken. He shook her gently.

“Hey!” he said in a loud voice when she didn’t react to his touch. Her jaws were clenched and teeth ground, every one of her muscles was tensed up and a tremor went through her.

Lucifer understood that she was having a panic attack. He cursed. Linda had told him to sit her down and have her tell him what helps her snap out of it and what makes it worse. He totally forgot about it.

Not knowing how to comfort her without making the situation worse, he thought about something to say to her.

 

“Ah, Detective, I wish I knew where your thoughts have trailed off again,” he finally said. “I wish I knew how to help you get back to reality. I’m sorry I don’t know what to do… All I can assure you is that you are safe here. I’ll be watching over you as long as you need it…”

Why was this so hard? How did humans know how to comfort others? Where did they learn it? It bugged him beyond comparison that all he could think of saying was pointless vapouring that by no means would help Chloe to snap out of her current state of mind. Despite his fear to make things worse, he eventually wrapped his arms around her and stroke her back. If she needed to let her emotions out by hitting him, so be it. He could handle it!

After what felt almost like eternity to him he noticed her breathing slow down. The tremors were gone, too, only her muscles were as stiff as before and her hands were still clenched into fists. He took her left hand and squeezed his thumb through her fingers to give her palm a massage. When he felt her relax a little more he extended the soothing movements to her fingers and stroke them gently.

 

“This.” Chloe’s weak voice was almost inaudible.

“I beg your pardon?” Lucifer asked in confusion.

“This helps me get back to reality.”

“Oh… uh… good. I didn’t know you were listening to my wiffle waffle,” he said, slightly embarrassed.

“Hmm… yeah, sometimes – most times – I can still hear and feel everything around me. It’s just… different. Like I was standing right beside myself and observe everything in third person view and I can’t answer. And then I mix up things that are only in my head and it gets really confusing.”

“Hmm,” he answered. He wasn’t sure if he understood what she tried to say; it sounded a bit like a bad trip on acid or mushrooms. “Do you know how I can be of more help to get you out of that state quicker?”

“If I knew I would tell you. Truth is you are one of the very few people who have ever seen me in such a state. And you are the first to actually help me.”

“Well then, we will figure it out together. I would be delighted to be able to help. Does it help to talk about what you just experienced?”

“I guess I panicked. Thinking about my job, what happens if someone finds out, being there for Trixie and stuff like that is a bit too much to deal with right now. Also I’m scared… I’m scared because I opened up to you and I don’t know what happens now – am I going to be alright? Can I handle it this time? Will I do things I tried to suppress for so long?”

“Why, of course you will be alright, Detective!” He squeezed her hand reassuringly. “You are not alone, and may I remind you that you were the one to show me that things are easier when you have people around you who care? That being said – I would like you to tell me if you ever have the urge to harm yourself again, or if you get caught in your memories and don’t know how to handle them. And if you don’t want to talk to me, please confide in Maze, Linda or Ella or whoever you trust enough.”

“I’ll think about it,” she said.

Lucifer wasn’t satisfied with her answer but he didn’t want to end the day with an argument so he kept his mouth shut. He was getting better at reading emotions anyway so maybe he might not need her to tell him when things deteriorated.

He suddenly felt the woman in his arms weigh heavily against his side and when he looked down he saw that she had drifted off to sleep. He pulled his duvet around them both and caressed her hair for a while.

“Sleep well, Detective,” he whispered before he dosed off as well.

………

 

 

It was almost noon when Chloe started to move in Lucifer’s arms. The night had been calm, there were no nightmares for her and she felt a lot more recharged. She knew she should get up soon and head home but being cuddled up in her partner’s arms was a pleasant and long missed feeling. And despite Lucifer’s sexual personality she didn’t feel threatened by his presence; he had turned her down twice although she had made every effort to cajole him.

She thought about Dan, how she sometimes had felt uncomfortable waking up beside him regardless of how he cherished her to bits and how she knew he would never have laid a hand on her if she had said no. But he also didn’t know why she sometimes had the urge to withdraw from him. More than once it left him disgruntled, venting his spleen on her and causing her to be upset about herself and her husband’s lack of understanding. Was she the reason why he decided to spend more and more time at work and as little as possible at home with her and their daughter? It wasn’t an excuse to neglect Trixie, though, but thinking that their marriage could have worked out if she had opened up gave her a twinge of regret.

“How on Earth is it possible to think as much as you, Detective?” Lucifer asked astonished, after he had observed her for at least twenty minutes.

“Huh, what?” Chloe was torn from her thoughts again.

Lucifer snickered. “Cor blimey! Usually it’s the postcoital bliss that leaves my bed companions in another state of mind but we haven’t gone down that road yet, so I wonder is there a way to make your brain stop working?”

“I’m a cop and a mother to an _actual_ eight-year-old, and I somehow got stuck with a delusional civilian consultant who _acts_ like an eight-year-old – so, no, my brain is always on high alert,” she teased. “But I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“I shall ignore your incongruous remark about your well-regarded partner, shan’t I? Good to know that you like it this way. Albeit, I suggest the occasional doobie for recreation. It works wonders on the nerves but doesn’t leave you crapulous like spirits.”

 “Lucifer!” she scolded him. “I am a police officer. Stop trying to coax me into doing drugs – it won’t work!”

“Oh come on, where is the fun, then? It’s legal in this state anyway!”

“Not for LEO’s and even if it was I’d rather be a teetotaler and act as a role model for Trixie.”

“The poor girl is growing up deprived from all the fun things in life! Do you want her to suffer from eternal boredom and turn into a psychotic cat lady??”

“Really, Lucifer?” Chloe exclaimed with desperation.

“Yes, Detective, _really_! Dad wouldn’t have created all the fun things to smoke, drink or inject if he hadn’t wanted you humans to expand your consciousness.”

“Right – _that’s it_!”

“What is what?”

“The best reason why not to do drugs. It turns people into delusional lunatics who mistake their father for a non-existent fictional grey-bearded character floating in the clouds watching all the horrendous things happening on earth without doing anything against it!”

“I think his beard is actually white…”

Chloe threw her hands up in the air, staring at the man and shaking her head. Was he being so oblivious on purpose or did he really not grasp what kind of impression he sometimes posed?

 

They spent the next half hour mock debating on how demented Lucifer was – or wasn’t, according to himself – and arguing about whether Chloe should go on another girl’s night out with Dr Linda Martin so the shrink could convince her that he really wasn’t a nutcase. Chloe, on the other hand, suggested to find another, preferably male, therapist who wouldn’t be that easily lulled into Lucifer’s Luciferness. A moot point, he pointed out, since his charms would work on any gender…

“There is a reason why it’s called _Devil’s threesome_ , Detective,” he smirked. “I’m not picky, you know.”

“How is it possible that every conversation we have ends up on a sexual remark from you whatsoever?”

“Oh, don’t be such a puritan! It’s the oldest thing in existence. Hence there are a lot of things to talk about and to –“

“Don’t finish your thought! I really don’t want to know where this filthy mind of yours has gone again,” she interrupted. “Anyway… I should get up and get ready for home. Would you mind giving me a ride? Actually, you might wanna drop me off at the station so I can pick my car up.”

“No need for a detour. I’ll drive you home and pick you up tomorrow morning. Your household may come in favour of a delicious breakfast feast, too. Omelettes for you, pancakes for the urchin and a bottle of whiskey for Maze sounds about right, doesn’t it? That being said – do you know whether Maze will be around? I haven’t heard of her in a while…”

“I don’t know to be honest. I thought you would know? Hey – what was your chat about from two days ago, anyway? Is that why she may be away?”

“She’ll be in touch with me as soon as there is a need for it,” he answered and reluctantly continued, “and yes, our conversation may have led to her recent absence but I assure you there’s no need to worry about anything. She won’t abandon her regular job for me, anyway, and if you need her for your daughter you can always count on her.”

_But if she knew why I had her looking for them, oh dear, all Hell would break loose and neither me nor you would see her until the deed is done_ , he thought to himself. He wouldn’t tell Maze, though, for one Chloe asked him not to and for another he suspected the demon would take measures in her own hands and he still wasn’t entirely sure how things should be approached. He might have to discuss the options with Linda…

“I do feel guilty about roping her into babysitting duty, though… And sometimes I fear she does inappropriate things,” Chloe pondered. The image of Lucifer playing with Maze’s anal beads the day she moved in, and when she found her daughter swinging in the woman’s sex swing were etched in her mind for all eternity.

“Well, I warned you about her. You too are still like snow pants and elephants. But – if it’s any comfort to you, she has become quite close – too close for my liking – with the Doctor and I’m sure she’ll guide her through your child’s stages of development. She already knows that whiskey is off-key for another couple of years, so…”

“And sex toys, weapons, make-up, and – Jesus Christ, what have I gotten my child into?” she blurted out. The sudden realisation what her emotional state had led to hit her hard – she was dependent on her delusional partner, his ex-bartender and very probable friend with benefits, her ex-husband who never had cared much for anything but his job, and quite possibly her own mother and parents-in-law in the near future if she couldn’t get her shit together soon. It was time for her to go home and leave the last days behind her; the days that had smashed the wall which she had so carefully built around herself to pieces and that had made her reveal her most guarded secret for the first time in decades.

“Yes, my half-brother wouldn’t approve of such things… But he is a boring wanker, anyway. Maze may have an unorthodox perspective, but that’s linked to where she comes from. She has changed a lot since you came into our lives and there is still requirement for amendment, however, your spawn has grown close to her heart and she will always protect her. I would have ordered her to do so, because she is not to disobey me, but that’s not even necessary when it comes to the child.”

“You do sound quite medieval when you talk about your friend like that, you know? But I appreciate your intentions,” Chloe said. Yes, she did appreciate it. It didn’t mean that she would allow herself to hit rock bottom and be reliant on the people around her again, though.

“Linda told me that just a few days ago, too,” he grumbled. “I am progressive, a lot more than you humans, actually, but some things are vital to stay as they always have.”

Yes, she definitely needed to get home. Away from the tall, handsome man who made her heart flutter, who made her spill her guts out – his charms seemed to work on her after all, just not the way he intended – and who was way too delusional and distorted for her liking at the moment. She needed to regain her composure, and he wasn’t helping at all.

“Lucifer, would you mind taking me home now?” she asked, agitated. “I really need some time for myself before Trixie gets home and I want to sort some things out before I have to be back at work tomorrow…”

He looked at her with worried eyes. “Will you be alright?”

“Yes, of course! I just need to process the last couple of days, but I’ll be good as gold tomorrow morning, I promise!”

Lucifer wasn’t content with how compulsive she sounded, but there wasn’t much he could riposte. He wasn’t going to belittle her and although he had the nagging feeling that she wouldn’t be _as good as gold_ in a mere eighteen hours, he kept quiet and nodded.

It remained to be seen how much Chloe's revelation would affect her and those close to her…


End file.
